Back To You
by DeBo81
Summary: When life as they know it falls apart for Rick & Kate, will they be able to move beyond the pain and find their way back to each other? See how the entire Castle "family" might be different if Kate had gone with Rick to the Hamptons in the end of S.2 AU
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:**

**(AU) What if Kate & Rick had gone to the Hamptons together at the end of S. 2? Would they have had the strong foundation needed to support a relationship? Would they be able to beat the odds?  
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** Its May 2012, two years after they began dating, and a year after breaking up. Kate and Rick's lives cross unexpectedly once again. Will they have the courage & strength to look past their painful past and follow their hearts when fate leads them back to each other?**

**X**

**Hello all, I'm back with another mutli-chapter fic.**

**I had fun with this, but it was a complex one to figure out. **

**To help you out, remember that _italicized_ text is either a flashback or dream, but not current life. Also between each flash back or flash forward I put the character whose POV it is, and the date. I'm sure you'll all catch on immediately!**

******Because I have the first draft of the entire story completed, I hope to be able to post chapters 2-3 times per week as I get them edited and finalized... meaning this story should end right around the time the finale airs.**

**Hope you enjoy this one... and maybe find the little details from the show that I stuck throughout the fic in new (AU) scenarios. They're just little nods to all the OCD fans out there.  
**

**X  
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**DISCLAIMER: I in no way own anything Castle related. I'm just borrowing them for a little fun and then promise to put them back just as I found them!**

"Back To You"

Chapter 1

**Rick Castle: May 2010**

"_It was very emotional. There were a lot of tears." Rick sighed. "Um, Alexis was fine, by the way."_

_Montgomery, Lanie, Ryan and Esposito who sat around the table with him, all joined him in laughter. The amusement, though real, did nothing to mask the underlying melancholy of everyone attending the impromptu going away party. _

_Esposito caught his eye. "I gotta say Castle. We're going to miss you around here."_

_He took the moment to meet each of his friend's gazes._

"_Yeah I'm going to miss you too."_

_What Rick couldn't miss, was the small meaningful looks and the flashes of sadness around the room. Each one mirrored his own._

_Ryan thankfully broke the moment before it became too serious. "Still leaving the coffee machine though, right?"_

"_Can't have you suffer in my absence!" Rick clamped a reassuring hand on the smaller man's shoulder._

"_Oh, we could really use one of those down in the morgue." Lanie interjected._

_Montgomery spoke up. "With Castle gone, I just hope our clearance rate doesn't drop."_

_More laughter broke out._

_Castle took a breath to respond, but Kate Beckett strolled into the room, stealing both his breath and his thoughts._

_She shot him a bright, yet almost shy smile as she walked toward them and grabbed a beer._

_The moment she entered the room, his eyes never left her. "Ohhhh, look who's off duty!"_

"_Yeah well Castle, I'm not all work," she teased._

_Lanie jumped in, "Don't get into a drinking contest with her. She can take you."_

"_Thank you," he answered while silently noting that Kate came to his side._

"_Oh, I don't need to drink to take him." Although the comment was directed at her best friend, all the flirtatious subtext was aimed at Castle. The somewhat out of character, unspoken, honesty was lost on no one, especially Rick._

"_Oooooooooooo! What's gotten into you?" Lanie sassed._

_Montgomery choked back another laugh, and had either Rick or Kate taken their eyes off each other, they would have noticed the amused raised eyebrows Ryan and Esposito shared._

_Kate dropped her voice and head slightly, meeting Rick's curious blue eyes with her searching green ones._

"_Castle, do you have a second?"_

"_Of course, yeah."_

_A smile that he couldn't stifle spread across his face, and he finally noticed the pleasant speculation his friends were watching them with._

_He followed her out of the room and waited while she closed the door._

_Damn, but she was beautiful._

"_What's up?"_

_She was nervous, he could see it all over her, but why? He had no idea._

"_Look, I know I'm not the easiest person to get to know. And, I don't always let on what's on my mind. But this past year, working with you... I've had a really good time."_

_He felt drawn to her, but through months of practiced restraint, held his place. "Yeah me too."_

_Her smile returned in full force._

"_So, I'm just going to say this, and I hope it doesn't make things awkward, but..." Kate's voice trailed off._

"_Rick reached out and lightly touched her elbow. "You can tell me."_

_She hesitated and looked past him, maybe hoping for an escape. When none came, she continued. "I was just wondering, if your invitation was still open?"_

_His hand slid from her elbow to her wrist, inviting her to take a small step toward him._

_Neither one noticed, but behind the glass doors, separating them from their friends, all four of the others had moved just enough to obtrusively watch what was developing._

"_You mean the Hamptons?"_

"_Yeah, I mean if you've made other plans or something, that's fine, I just...uh. My weekend is open now and I thought that maybe..."_

"_What happened to the beach house with Demming?"_

_Beckett flushed making Castle smile as her skin pinked up from the roots of her hair, across her cheeks and down through the deep V of her white blouse._

"_We aren't going anymore."_

"_Ahhh, so I'm second best?"_

_He was teasing, but her face turned serious and she took another step closer, still not shaking off his fingers from her racing pulse at her wrist._

"_No. It's not like that. We broke up. And trust me, you're not second best. I want to go."_

"_He dumped you? He's an idiot!" Rick threw his hands in the air and shook his head._

"_I... I broke up with him."_

_Castle suddenly read through the confession to see the deeper truth. She'd dumped Demming to be with him._

_He could hear his heart beat in his ears. Two, four, six beats pounded before he could speak, and in that brief time he could tell she was already pulling back emotionally._

"_I was thinking about going up tonight, but if it's better, I could pick you up in the morning?" Rick threw the question out tentatively, not knowing exactly what to expect._

_It stopped her from retreating any further._

"_Are you sure I'm not intruding?"_

"_Intruding! I invited you because I wanted you."_

_Her eyes widened and he quickly finished his statement. "That is, I want you to come... to my place... to hang out." The awkward tension grew as they stared at each other. _

_She bit her bottom lip. "I could pack up and be ready tonight."_

_A breath of air that he didn't realize he was holding, escaped through his lips in a seemingly loud whoosh. _

"_Great, that's great!" He was nervous and well aware that he sounded like a half whit. "Um, after this little shindig is over, I need to go home and grab my stuff, think you could be ready by eight?"_

_A look of relief and maybe something else flooded Kate. Excitement? _

"_Yeah! That would be great. Should I bring anything or pack anything special?"_

_Several often imagined images came quickly to Rick's mind. Kate in a sundress, Kate in a bikini, Kate in lingerie, Kate in... nothing. With all the mental strength he possessed, he pushed the fantasies away. This wasn't like that, at least he didn't think so. And he'd be damned if he stuck his foot in his mouth now._

"_Nah, keep it casual. Aside from your clothes and toothbrush, the house has everything else we'll need."_

_The darker blush of her cheeks made Rick wonder if Kate had been able to read his mind. But no, they knew each other well and they thought alike frequently, but he was sure she wasn't thinking along the same lines that he had been._

"_Well, I guess that's settled then," she offered._

"_Yeah. It'll be fun."_

_She nodded. Her eyes were wide, and fairly sparkled. Rick didn't remember a time when she'd looked so happy._

_Finally she broke the stare and turned toward the room where the party was waiting for, and not surprisingly, watching them intently._

_Rick reached for the door nob. "We have an audience. I'm assuming we're keeping this quiet?"_

"_Definitely. You know how they'd take it. What they'd assume was happening. We'd never hear the end."_

_Rick nodded and opened the door for her. Despite his joy at her acceptance, a bigger part of him than he cared to admit, fell with disappointment. Kate made it clear in her last statement that contrary to what their co-workers would believe, and to what he silently yearned for, this was clearly going to be a weekend between friends. Nothing more._

_XXXXXXXXXX_

_That night as they drove out of the city, with the sun setting at their backs, they enjoyed some light conversation about his beach home before falling into a comfortable silence. When Kate dozed off next to him in the front seat, Rick allowed himself the luxury of watching her sleep. He'd only seen her sleep _

_once, maybe twice before, uncomfortable cat naps while on the job, but never so naturally at peace._

_With each gentle breath, a small lock of hair that fell across her face, danced. Not being able to resist, he took a chance and tucked it behind her ear._

_Her hair was silky, her skin, unbelievably soft. He wished on every star in the night sky that he could experience more of her, but for now, he'd just have to treasure the little gems that he did get._

_After getting stuck in traffic, they arrived at the house much later than planned. Thankfully, Rick had arranged for his housekeeper, Greta, to come earlier and prep the house, so he didn't have to do anything more than go in, give Kate a quick tour and show her to her room._

_He'd wondered if he would be able to sleep knowing she was sleeping a few feet away with only a wall between them, but the moment his head hit the pillow, he was fast asleep._

_The next morning when Rick woke, it wasn't because his cell phone alerted him to a new text message, or because the late spring sunshine fell across his face, or even because he'd slept his fill. No, he woke to what he swore must be an angel singing in the shower. Kate's pure alto voice was soft and perfectly on key. Rick laid still, just listening, while she sang through Norah Jones' "Come Away With Me". When the song finished and he heard the water turn off, he hurriedly jumped from bed, grabbed his red terry cloth robe and hurried down to the kitchen. He wouldn't be able to sleep anymore after that, and the only way he could think of facing her without looking conspicuous was with hot coffee and breakfast._

_The coffee was done and the eggs and bacon were well on their way by the time she came down the stairs in denim shorts and a gray fitted t-shirt with her hair in a pony tail._

"_Good Morning!" Kate smiled._

"_It is a good morning isn't it? How did you sleep?"_

"_Like a baby. You?"_

"_I always sleep well here." Rick was glad that the food needed his attention or otherwise he might just stand there staring at her until he made a fool of himself._

"_Can I help with anything?"_

"_Well I'm almost done, but if you want to take the tray of coffee and juice out to the back porch, I thought we could enjoy our breakfast with a scenic ocean view._

_Breakfast sped by on a wave of laughter and conversation, much like the rest of the day did. They took a long walk together, barefoot, on the beach, played a game of chess and rode bikes to the local fishmonger, for the catch of the day. After a dinner of surf and turf, Kate took a lounge chair out to the beach to read while there was still light, and Rick worked on his computer in a chair next to her._

_After the sun dipped into the west, they built a bon fire, made s'mores and told ghost stories, something that he informed her was an absolute must. A neighbor several houses down was having a beach party and they could hear the music quite clearly. It killed the creepy ambiance that he was going for, but ended up working it's own brand of magic. When the music switched to something a bit slower, he saw an opportunity and made his move._

"_Can I have this dance?"_

_Kate nodded and took his offered hand, allowing him to pull her into his arms. She raised her arms so they rested at the back of his neck and he resisted the urge to rest his hands on her hips, keeping his hands at the small of her back as they swayed first to Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" and then John Mayer's "Your Body Is a Wonderland"._

_Rick felt like he could hold her forever, so when the song ended and switched to something more upbeat, he was disappointed to see the moment end. Kate dropped her arms to his but didn't step away._

"_Thanks for inviting me up here. It's been," her eyes met his and caught the shine from the moon above, "it's been, really, really nice."_

_His heart picked up a notch. Something in her tone hinted to deeper meaning._

"_Thank you for coming. I can honestly say you've made this a very special trip."_

_They continued to stand in the cool sand, holding each other, staring at each other._

_Rick watched as she nervously licked her lips. Temptation followed, a temptation he acted on._

_Slowly, he closed his eyes and dipped his head. When their lips touched, his body ignited all over. Kate returned her hands to the back of his head, but this time she was pulling him toward her. _

_When he ran his tongue across her bottom lip, asking for permission to deepen the kiss, she complied on a soft sigh, allowing him to taste the sweetness of chocolate and marshmallow and her._

_Kate and Rick stood there for a long time, kissing, touching and exploring the feelings that were rushing to the surface. They were so engrossed in the moment, that neither heard the sound of the dune buggy quickly approaching from the direction of the party down the beach._

_The small fire that had at one point glowed brightly near their feet, was now dead, leaving them in the dark. Only when the small vehicle rushed past them, missing them by inches, did they break away._

"_What the hell!" Rick exclaimed._

"_Are you OK? Kate asked at the same time._

_It only took a few seconds to realize what had happened and that they were both fine, but the mood was now as dead as the pile of ash and embers inside the stone circle next to them._

_Kate yawned and stretched, as they headed back to the house, but it was obviously just an attempt to put some distance between them. "It's getting pretty late, and maybe its this fresh sea air but I'm bushed. I think I'm going to shower and head to bed."_

_Rick was disappointed but understood. "I think I'm going to write a bit and then get some sleep myself."_

_He took her hand just as they stepped inside. She squeezed it gently, assuring him that she wasn't completely scared off._

"_Goodnight Castle." she whispered._

_He bent, quickly, giving her a soft peck on the lips. "Goodnight... Kate."_

_XXXXXXXXXX_

_Sleep did not come quickly for Rick that night. After hours of staring at the open document file on his laptop, with little to show for his time, he finally conceded literary defeat. The only thing he'd managed to write was a steamy love scene between Rook and Heat that he ended up deleting. After shutting down the computer and heading to his room, Rick tossed and turned until the the morning sun began its ascent._

_It was almost noon when he awoke. Rick stretched, threw back the light covers and padded into the hall. The door to Kate's room was open and the bed was made, so he headed downstairs. The great room was completely empty, as was the kitchen. There were no signs that Kate had made an appearance except that a pink bakery box was now sitting on the counter next to the full coffee pot._

_A post-it note on top of the box simply said "enjoy". He opened the box to find the largest cinnamon roll he'd ever seen. She really did know him._

"_Kate!" Ricked called out._

_No answer._

"_You still here?" he tried again as he poured his mug of steaming caffeinated brew. _

_When he still heard no response, Rick grabbed his coffee and roll and headed out the back door to the porch._

_It didn't take him long to find her, but the timing was rather unfortunate. Rick had just taken the first sip of his coffee as she dropped the towel she had wrapped around her and walked to the edge of the pool._

_He choked and sputtered, but couldn't stop staring._

_Kate hadn't noticed him yet, since the pool was at an odd angle to the house. So he was able to take in the entire view. He knew Kate was in good shape, her fitted clothes made that no secret, but the purple halter bikini she was wearing now, identified just how good that shape was._

_Drawn to her, Rick moved forward into the sunlight. It was already a very warm day. Small beads of sweat pricked at his forehead and neck, but he knew it had more to do with the company than the weather._

_Finally she noticed him and waved._

"_Good morning!" he called, trying his best to sound casual._

"_Morning! Is it OK if I go for a swim?"_

"_By all means, help yourself. Is the water warm enough? If not, I can adjust the thermostat. It won't take to long to heat up on a day like this."_

"_It's perfect. Thanks."_

_Kate checked the two small knots tied at her hips and then the larger one at the back of her neck, before diving into the water._

_A moment passed before she bobbed up to the surface, smiling at him. _

_Rick had to swallow, the moisture clinging to her body suddenly made his mouth go dry._

_Something about the way she looked at him made him think that she knew what she was doing. She floated to her back and kicked gently, teasing him him with her smile. "You know, I haven't been swimming in ages. I didn't realize how much I've missed it."_

_Rick was still staring; he couldn't help it. "You're right it has been forever since I took a dip either. Let me go throw on my trunks and I'll join you." He left his phone, coffee and breakfast on a table near by and headed in to change._

_When he returned to the pool, Castle didn't announce his arrival. Instead he took a running jump and cannon-balled into the water, sufficiently covering Beckett with the spray._

_When he popped up Kate slammed her palms against the surface, spraying him in the face._

"_Oooooooh you think you're cute don't you?"_

_She smiled brightly and wagged her eyebrows. "You tell me."_

_He slicked his wet hair back over his head and gave her his most devilish grin. "This means war!"_

_When he dove under water the first time, she was able to evade his reach. But when he went under the second time, the glare off the water was just bright enough to loose him for a second. That's all it took for Rick to grab her by the ankles and pull her under._

_As soon as he let go, she summer-salted , swam along the bottom and came up behind him so that she could put one hand on his shoulder, the other on his head, and her feet on his hips so that she could dunk him again._

_This time they both went under and he turned in her arms so that when they came up they were facing each other._

_The electricity between them was palpable. Skin pressed against skin, eyes locked, pulses raced._

_Rick was pleasantly surprised when Kate initiated the kiss. He didn't mind taking the reigns but if she wanted control, he'd follow wherever she led._

_When she repositioned so that she could wrap her long legs around his waist, he couldn't suppress the groan that erupted._

_Encouraged by her forwardness, Rick let his hands roam up and down her exposed back._

_When Kate pulled back a little, he took the cue and tried to relax. It was obvious to him that she was still a bit hesitant about what was going on, and he wouldn't press her into anything._

_Before he could think of what to say, his phone began to ring._

"_I, uh, should get that. It's Alexis."_

_The moment their bodies broke contact, Rick felt a distinct sense of loss._

_By the time he returned to the water, Kate was gracefully swimming long laps back and forth across the pool. He joined her again, but the intensity and chemistry of before had faded into the background. Now instead of touching and kissing, they talked, laughed, raced and just enjoyed the afternoon as friends._

_XXXXXXXXXX_

_Rick awoke that night with a start. Something had startled him from dead sleep to wide awake and it left his pulse pounding. _

_Suddenly his entire room lit up with an electric blue flash of light, followed immediately by a crack of thunder so loud and so close that the entire house shook._

_Now that he knew it was a storm that woke him, Rick realized that he could clearly hear the pound of rain and whistle of wind as well. _

_Another simultaneous bolt of lighting and thunder ripped through the atmosphere, spurring him from bed. He wanted to go around the house and check that all the windows and doors were shut and locked, before going back to sleep._

_After finding the house in good order Rick climbed back up the stairs. Just before reaching the final step, another lightning strike hit very close, this time with an additional pop, that plunged the mostly dark home into complete blackness._

"_Rick? You OK?" Kate called softly from her room._

_After his eyes adjusted, he could tell that her door was now open._

_He approached her room and stuck his head in the doorway. "Yeah I'm fine. You?"_

"_Yeah, just couldn't sleep."_

"_Can't imagine why," he teased dryly, "It's just a little rain."_

"_Right."_

_Kate was standing at her window watching the storm rage outside._

"_You know, if you want to watch the storm, I know of a fabulous view."_

_She turned toward him just as more light flashed behind her, revealing that she was dressed in short boxers and a fitted cami. The image distracted him so much that he missed her reply._

"_Excuse me?"_

"_I said. I love to watch storms."_

"_Then right this way." Rick stretched out his hand and Kate willingly took it, allowing him to lead her through the hall and into his room. _

_When they passed his bed, a part of him wondered what she would do if he took her there instead, but he cared about her too much too mess things up with such a potentially stupid move. He lead her past a couple chairs and the fireplace of the master suite to the large French doors along the wall._

_Before opening the door he turned a bit so that he was facing her. "When I bought the house, I had it completely renovated and had this balcony custom designed so that I could spend time out there enjoying the view and still stay fairly sheltered from the weather."_

_When he opened the doors wide, Kate gasped. The storm raged, violently, beautifully over them and over the churning ocean in front of them. Together they stepped out. The unique outcropping of the roof and the position of the house's walls kept them and most of the balcony safe from the onslaught of wind and rain, only occasionally reaching them with a cool but light mist. _

"_This is amazing!"_

"_Yeah it is," he answered honestly, but never took his eyes off of her._

_A loud crack of thunder, ripped through the sky, making Kate jump slightly. _

"_You're not scared are you?"_

_She laughed but to his ears it sounded a bit nervous. "I'm not scared of a little storm, Castle."_

"_I didn't think so. Here, let me grab a couple chairs and we should be able to watch it from here and be fine._

_An oversized patio lounger next to them was still dry, and Rick offered it to Kate. But when he started toward the other seat, which was out in the open and soaked, she stopped him._

"_You're not planning to sit on that are you?"_

"_Yeah, I'll grab a towel or something and wipe it down."_

"_You'll still get wet. Here, sit with me."_

"_You sure?"_

"_Would I have offered if I wasn't?"_

_Rick slid on next to her. There was room for them to lie side by side, but not an inch to spare. Kate lifted her head so that Rick could put his arm behind her head and settle in to ride out the storm._

_Castle didn't know when he dozed off, but when he woke up, the temperatures had dropped quite a bit. This skin of Kate's arm was cold, and she'd turned so that she was snuggled deep into his side._

_Carefully so as not to wake her, he slid off the chair and stood to asses the situation. He was tired and cold and Kate was so sound asleep that she was snoring (something he made a mental note about so as to tease her later). He didn't want to stand there thinking about what to do, he just wanted to go back to sleep. So he scooped Kate up into his arms and carried her inside, placing her gently on his bed. Then after shutting the balcony doors, he crawled into bed with her, pulled up the blankets and fell sound asleep._

**Rick Castle: May 2012**

Rick hated himself for allowing the memories to have their lead. He was supposed to be moving on, not wallowing in the past. As is, he felt the guilt of cowardice by escaping once again to his private retreat. He'd been doing so well since Christmas. He'd actually been able to live full time again at the loft without feeling completely empty and alone. But as May moved forward, all that had happened over the last two years came to a head, haunting him until, according to his mother, he'd crawled back into his depressed little shell.

"A butterfly cannot spread it's wings until it's fully left it's cocoon, Richard." She'd chastised lovingly. "I know you miss her. But you have to move forward with your life."

His mother's advice had bolstered him, but only temporarily. He did have things to look forward to, like Alexis coming home for the summer. At least, that's what he'd thought at the time.

The summer that she'd had her experience at Princeton, the same summer he and Kate began dating, his little girl made a decision that rocked his world. She was going to graduate an entire year early. What should have been her junior year of high school would suddenly become her senior year as well. College was her goal and she was determined to achieve that as quickly as possible.

At first he didn't take her completely seriously, he figured it was just the excitement of the thought that inspired her. But by the time the school year began and she was handling an almost impossible load with grace and determination, he realized it was too late to change her mind. At least he held on to the comfort that the schools she was looking into, Princeton, NYU, Columbia, were all fairly near by. Then she met Ashley. He was a good kid, and as far as possible boyfriends for your teenage daughter go, Rick didn't have any real objections with him... until Alexis made her next big announcement. When she graduated in the spring, she planned to follow Ashley to Stanford, in California.

The news didn't go over well with him. Rick, for months, tried to dissuade her but she never changed her mind.

So needless to say, after an entire school year away, with only a couple of all too brief visits home, Rick had been ecstatic to welcome his baby home again. It was the light at the end of his tunnel... that was, until the light got snuffed out.

The day before Mother's day, only ten days before he was supposed to pick Alexis up from the airport, he got a call. Alexis had won a coveted six week internship with a pharmaceutical company in southern California. It was a chance of a lifetime and one he couldn't begrudge his child.

She'd still be home for a few weeks that summer, but not until July.

He was proud of Alexis, but felt sorry for himself. He was tired of being alone.

Rick looked at his watch, it was after midnight, meaning it was officially Thursday. He took a long draw from his glass of Scotch, and tipped his head back against the same lounger that he and Kate had slept on during the storm two years earlier. Tomorrow would mark the beginning of Memorial Day Weekend, a weekend that two years ago began the best relationship he'd even been in, and then last year ended it.

Remembering the look on Kate's face when she told him it was over, caused him to take another long drink from him tumbler. The fiery liquid didn't numb the pain or erase the memory so he refilled the glass. With a little luck maybe the next shot would.

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**A/N:Well I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Like I stated above, I won't leave you hanging long, because the next chapter will be posted in 2 or 3 days.**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts, so drop me a line or leave a review!**

**Thanks! **

**Until next time... DeBo81**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

**Kate Beckett: May 2012**

"Hey Becks, Gates just told me you decided to take the weekend after all. I thought that maybe... You know considering... Damn it. You got plans? Cuz I've got an extra ticket to the Yankees game on Saturday."

Kate tried not to show her frustration with her friend and partner. She knew he was concerned, and probably rightly so, but it was just another straw threatening to break her.

"I appreciate what you're trying to do Espo, but I'll be fine. I don't need anyone to hold my hand. Just like on Mother's Day when I was fine. And just like last week on the anniversary of the shooting I was... OK." She knew it was a lie but she couldn't let her resolve crack, or the emotions would pour out. "I'll be fine this weekend as well."

Kate never looked up while she ranted. Instead, she just continued to clear her desk and try to get out before the dam burst. Everyone close to her knew what happened a year ago, and how she fared in the weeks and months that followed. They loved her and worried about her and she loved them for it. But all she really wanted was to be left alone.

Javier straightened his shoulders then tried pursuing the conversation from another angle. "I know you'll be fine. You're Detective Kate Beckett, an unshakable wall of strength. What I asked you though, was if you have plans. As a friend and fellow baseball fan, I was hoping you might want to join me, my cousin and his wife at the game."

Finally she looked up into the familiar brown eyes. As uncomfortable as this probably was for both of them, he stood firm, hopeful.

Before Kate could come up with an answer, it occurred to her, not for the first time, how lucky she was to have partners like Esposito and Ryan who extended beyond the workplace relationship into friends and even into brothers.

Not wanting to hurt his feelings by telling him flat out that no she wouldn't accept his invitation, just like she hadn't accepted Lanie's or Kevin's before him; she chose to offer a little smile of gratitude instead. "Thank you anyway, but yes, I have plans with my dad." Another lie. "We're going up to his cabin."

He studied her for a moment, causing her to believe he was going to call her bluff. Then his face softened. "Then take care and try to have some fun."

"Thanks. You too."

"Count on it! See you Tuesday?"

"Yeah see you Tuesday."

XXXXXXXXXX

Now that everyone had finished asking her to make plans with them, Kate pondered how she actually was going to spend the next four days. Her activity of choice would be to just work through the weekend, but she knew how the office grapevine worked, and if she showed her face in the station Ryan and Espo would certainly show up not long afterward and give her hell.

No, she'd just have to find something else to do. Maybe she could just go home and try to sleep the days away. Before heading back to her apartment though, she decided to stop and grab some food. Hopefully the sick gnawing in her stomach was from hunger, because if it was just emotional turmoil, this might prove to be a worse weekend than she'd imagined.

While Kate stood waiting for her order, a young woman wearing a power suit and talking on a cell phone, took the spot on the wall directly next to her.

"I know, right!" the woman chatted. "I haven't been to the beach house in like two years, and I swear if I have to stay in the city an hour longer I'm just gonna die!"

Mention of a beach house, brought vivid images to Kate's mind like a series of movie clips playing in slow motion. As painful as it was to remember many of them, especially right now, she was powerless to stop them. As she collected her order, drove home, and picked at her dinner, they left her in a distracted daze, until she ended up slumped on her couch hypnotized by memories.

She recalled the small, impromptu wedding ceremony uniting Martha Rogers and Chet Pallaburn. It was a beautiful fall day, hastily planned after Chet survived a serious stroke, thanks to Martha noticing his erratic behavior. The intimate service and dinner party afterward was the first time that Kate felt like a part of the Castle family.

Kate also brought to mind the early February "pre-Valentine's" weekend that they went to the Hamptons. A record setting blizzard snowed them in for several days, causing Rick to dub the beach house the "Lover's Igloo". They never once tried to leave the house. Hell, they hardly left the bedroom.

Thinking of the luxurious suite only led her thoughts back the the first time she was in that room; the night of the huge thunderstorm. As hard as she had tried over the last twelve months, she could not erase from her mind that Memorial Day morning, waking up in Rick's bed, in Rick's arms, and knowing that she never wanted to leave.

A lone tear fell and dripped to her cheek. When more threatened to follow it's lead, she shut her eyelids tight against the flood she knew was forming. Closing her eyes only served to heighten the images though, bringing back the sights, sounds and touches as if she were living it again.

**Kate Beckett: May 2010**

_The first thing that registered in Kate's head as she emerged from the deep recesses of sleep, was the steady beat of Rick's heart, just below her ear._

_A slow smile formed of its own accord, but she didn't try to stop it. _

_She opened her eyes and took stock of her current situation. They were no longer on the balcony. At some point in the night, he must have brought her in... to his bed. Why he didn't wake her up or take her back to her room, she didn't question. She was too comfortable to consider other options._

_Kate closed her eyes again so that she could commit the moment to memory. She noted the way the softness of his t-shirt contrasted with the hard lines of his chest, just below it. She inhaled as deeply as she could without possibly arousing suspicion that she was awake. He smelled like fabric softener, spicy deodorant or soap, and the clean, natural scent of him. She listened to his heart thumping rhythmically in his chest and the soft even breaths he blew out his slightly parted lips._

_It wasn't until Castle stretched that she dared to raise her head and look at him._

"_Morning," she offered, trying to sound casual._

_He didn't speak right away. At first he just greeted her with a slow smile. When he did answer, it wasn't with a greeting but a question._

"_Soooooo, you're not going to shoot me or anything, right?"_

"_Why would I do that?"_

_Instead of answering, he waved his hand over the bed, indicating their sleeping arrangement._

_Kate propped herself up on one elbow, and feigned a seriousness she didn't feel. "You're safe... this time."_

"_Thank goodness. I didn't mean anything by it, but to be honest I was too tired to care even if there were going to be consequences."_

_She bit her lip. "Oh, I didn't say there weren't going to be consequences; I said you were safe from being shot."_

_With deliberate slowness, she shifted again so that her body rolled on top of his. His eyes darkened and dilated, his breathing became shallow. She could feel the heat rushing to her cheeks and pooling in her belly; her body tingled with electricity from her head to her toes._

_Kate brought her face so close to his that their noses touched briefly. He moved his face to kiss her, but she evaded him and dropped her lips to his stubbled jaw and neck._

_When he gripped her hips, she rocked her weigh backwards so that she was sitting up, straddling his waist._

_She knew the desire she felt and could see it mirrored in his face, it only confirmed for her how much she wanted this to happen. They'd been creating the tension for almost two years now, and it was finally ready to to be released._

_Kate ran her hands along his arms until they reached his shoulders. Then with her best cop voice instructed, "Sit up, Castle."_

_His eyes twinkled. He was amused and... and something much more. "Really Kate?" he murmured._

_Her name on his lips heightened her excitement. _

"_We're on the verge of making love, and you can't use my first name?"_

_She tugged on his arms again. This time he gave in and sat up._

_Kate gathered the hem of his white shirt and tugged it up over his head. "You don't like it when I call you Castle?"_

_Rick reached up and cupped her face in his large hand. "I love it when you call me Castle. I just thought that under the circumstances, maybe we'd moved onto a first name basis."_

_She closed her eyes and turned her head so that she could kiss his palm. "So I suppose you don't want me to call you Writer Boy either?"_

"_Only if that's what turns you on... Detective." The way he used her title made it sound more than a bit naughty. She mentally filed that away for future use._

"_How about Kitten?" she purred in his ear while letting her fingers trace the contours of his chest. A low growl reverberated from deep within his chest._

_Knowing that the time for games was over, Kate brought one hand to his bare shoulder for support and the other up to run through his hair and pull him to her._

_They met in a heated kiss that curled her toes. As soon as she could gather enough air to breathe, she whispered against his lips, "Make love to me, Rick."_

**Kate Beckett: May 2012**

The sound of her cell phone ringing brought Kate back to the present but she was too distracted to really take much notice. After a brief pause the phone began again.

Kate closed her eyes and pressed her fingers to her temples, willing the shrill noise to stop.

When it did, she sighed with relief. She didn't want to talk to anyone right now and she was off duty so whoever wanted her would just have to wait. She laid back on the couch and pulled a cushion over her face, blacking out the world around her. It wasn't the escape she wanted, but it was enough to let her to fall asleep.

An hour later the sound of her cell phone ringing again woke Kate back up. With a sigh, she sat up and stretched across to the table where the device sat. She pressed the button the side of the phone to decline the call and then laid back down.

It didn't take long though before she was again reaching for the phone. She had to know who was calling. Maybe it was her dad. Maybe something was wrong. Maybe she was being called back into work. There were just too many possibilities for her to ignore.

After clicking on the phone, Kate flipped to the call records. All three missed calls were from the same person. That didn't surprise her, but what did, was who was calling. Alexis Castle.

A rock dropped into the pit of her belly. Why would she be calling?

Kate checked to see if Lex had left a message. Sure enough, there were two.

She waited impatiently while her voice mail acquired the messages.

"Hi Kate. Um this is Alexis. I'm sorry to bother you, but I just had a question for you. If you can call me back as soon as possible I'd appreciate it. Thanks."

She was relieved to hear the girl sounding calm and well. Then the second message began. Kate could hear the anxiety in the very first word.

"Kate, its me again. I'm sorry but I don't know who else to call. I'm really scared. Please call me back!"

Something was definitely wrong. Adrenaline began to pump through her veins pushing aside any hesitation she'd had earlier. With a push of a button, she redialed the girl. When it rang, it only rang once.

"Kate?" came Alexis' strained voice.

"Alexis what's wrong?"

The telltale sniff of tears shouted in Kate's trained ears before the teen answered. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have called you, but I didn't know what else to do."

"You can always call me, Honey. Any time. But I can't help unless you tell me what's upset you."

"It's my Dad..."

Kate's head swam. Yes, she and Rick had broken up, but she had never gotten over him. She didn't want to see him but she didn't want to see anything happen to him either.

She grabbed a notebook instinctively, mentally preparing herself for whatever Alexis would tell her next.

"OK Lex, start from the beginning."

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**A/N: Well there you go... I didn't make you wait too long. And now we've seen a bit from Kate's side. Next chapter will be Rick again.**

**I'm thrilled to see how many of you are interested in Back To You. I hope it lives up to your expectations. I'm pretty nervous about this fic because I think its fairly different from my usual style, but I think, at least in this instance, that's a good thing. I guess we'll find out soon!**

**Have a wonderful day!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**DeBo81**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Rick Castle: May 2012**

By the time the bottle was empty, Rick was physically numb, but his brain wouldn't stop. He tried writing, but nothing except angry rants spewed forth. He tried walking along the beach, but when he'd looked down and saw only his lonely footprints in the sand, he deflated and headed home. After reading half a novel without any comprehension of what he'd read, downing another drink, and showering, he looked at his bed with longing and wondered how many hours he'd lay there tormented while sleep evaded him.

Despite his better judgment he opened the medicine cabinet and took out a bottle of medication. He knew mixing the sleeping pills with the amount of alcohol he'd consumed was both foolish and dangerous, but he just needed sleep. It had been days since the last time he'd gotten any rest and it was killing him.

Rick dropped his towel, slipped on his boxers and a t-shirt and then crawled into bed. Ten minutes, then twenty passed as he stared at the dark ceiling waiting to release himself into blessed sleep. Just as the first rays of Friday's sun rise began to creep above the horizon, exhaustion finally claimed him.

**Rick Castle: May 2011**

_Rick dozed in the uncomfortable plastic chair; the steady beep of the heart monitor, his only lullaby. After his head fell forward for the second time, he decided to stand and stretch._

"_Why don't you go home and get some sleep. I'll call you when she wakes up." Jim Beckett offered from where he attempted the pretense of sleep on the pull-out sleeper sofa._

"_I can't leave her."_

"_She's safe. She's just recovering. You heard what the doctor said. She may not wake up for a while. You're tired and uncomfortable, and don't you try to deny it."_

"_I won't, but I still can't leave."_

_The older man's sigh sounded so much like his daughter's. And Rick had heard it often lately. In many ways it was worse than the arguments they'd been having because it meant she was cutting off all communication, but at least it wasn't as bad as the silent treatment she'd enforced almost the entire time since the night at the hanger._

_April had been a busy month for them. Cases had piled up for her and Gina was pressuring him for chapters of a book he just wasn't feeling. It put stress on their relationship, but they muddled through unscathed._

_After hitting a streak of inspiration, Rick was again in an emotional upswing. He finally had Heat Rises completely mapped out in his head and Heat Wave, the movie, was in full production. His mother was happily married, and therefore no longer meddling in his life. Alexis was happy and excited as her graduation approached, and Kate's work load was easing back, allowing her to relax and unwind. Things were again going well. Things were looking up. But like John Lennon sang, "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans". Things happen that you can't control or change; things that can turn your world completely upside down._

_The morning Kate's phone rang before five, Rick just knew in his gut something was up. When she hung up and went to the bathroom without speaking the dread set in._

_Kate Beckett wasn't the kind of girl who comfortably talked about her feelings or looked to others for comfort, so he wasn't surprised when she needed a bit of time before telling him what was going on._

_The caller had been Lanie. She was at a crime scene and they needed to join her right away. The victim was none other than Kate's training officer, Mike Royce._

_Something inside Kate changed that day. Rick didn't acknowledge it right away, because at first it just seemed like she was grieving, but the seriousness never wore off. Even after flying across the county on a personal vendetta to capture her mentor's killer, there was a hardness to her that he hadn't seen in years. _

_From where he stood watching, she seemed to treat each day as a mission. The weight of the world was on her shoulders as if it was her cross to bear._

_That's when the fights started. He begged her to let go of some of it, to relax. She accused him of being a child who couldn't understand the depth of responsibility. He pouted. She pulled away. They still worked together and slept together, but the emotional wall he knew she hid behind seemed to get bigger, and he didn't know how to scale it. _

_Then the real trouble began when the darkest ghosts of her life began to stir. McCallister was shanked by Hal Lockwood, who then escaped from under their noses, sending Kate on a warpath to bring him down. With all that went into the manic manhunt, a new set of details came to light which revealed that their beloved Captain had his own secrets to Kate's past._

_Rick would never forget the night that Montgomery called; how Roy told him Kate was in trouble and the only one who could save her was him. Of course he went to her._

_Then as he stood in the shadows listening to Kate and Roy's last conversation, Rick finally understood what he would have to do and it made him sick._

_It took all his strength, both physical and emotional, to carry Kate out of the building that night, to listen to her pleas and cries, to feel her fight him until she was spent. After the final gunshot echoed though the night, she finally broke away and ran back to try and pick up the shattered pieces. He dropped to his knees and vomited._

_By the time he went to her, she was kneeling on the floor next to their fallen friend. Although tears still ran unchecked down her face, the broken women he knew she was, was pushed to the side. In it's place was only the numb, mechanical police officer who was calling in the shooting of a fellow officer._

_Before the blue and red flashing lights began to arrive, Kate sent him away. With any officer's death, there would be a major investigation and if he was there, it would only arouse suspicion._

_He begrudgingly left, but only on the promise that she'd call him as soon as she got back to the station. It was a promise she broke._

_She never called. She never came over. His calls were left unanswered, as were his repeated knocks on her door. She texted him back a few times, saying she was OK and just needed time. _

_Five days passed before she finally showed up at his door._

"_Hey, you mind if we talk?"_

_He held the door for her and then tried to gather her in his arms. She was stiff and didn't return the gesture, so he stepped back to give her space._

"_Kate, I understand that you're upset and devastated with all that happened, but please don't shut me out. I want to get through this together."_

"_I know, but its not that simple. I can't just come here and cry it out in your arms."_

"_Why not?"_

_Kate turned away and took a few more steps away. "Because you're..." Her words trailed off._

_He closed the gap again and turned her so they could talk face to face. "I'm what?"_

"_You're part of the problem."_

_Rick wasn't prepared for that. He dropped his hands as if the contact with her burned him._

_Kate sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "You stopped me from helping him Rick. Maybe if you hadn't interfered, Roy might be still be alive."_

"_No Kate. You would be dead too. They were coming for you." Emotion choked Rick's throat, making his words sound strained._

"_You don't know that, Rick. You play cop with me, but you aren't one. I'm trained. Roy took out all those guys alone. With backup we could have walked away."_

"_You know that's not true. He told you himself. I heard him. Do you think I wanted to drag you away like that? Do you think it made me feel like a hero? Hell no! Roy called me and told me what I had to do. He said it was the ONLY way to save you. I would do anything for you!"_

_Tears that Kate had been able to keep in check began to break through her facade. "He took a stand for me, and I should have been standing beside him. Instead I let fear and emotion take control and I hid in the shadows while he took a bullet meant for me."_

_Rick opened his arms and she fell into them, now fully sobbing. "No Kate, Montgomery took a stand against evil. He was trying to make amends for his own mistakes and protect those he loved while he still could. You didn't hide, you took cover, and because you're safe, now you're still here to continue to stand against criminals and murders. It wasn't your battle to fight."_

_Whether she accepted what he said or just was too emotionally drained to fight, he didn't know, because she never really responded, except to cling to him even tighter until she was cried out._

_When the tears finally stopped and she'd cleaned herself up in the bathroom, Rick asked if she'd stay with him that night; he didn't want to be alone. The funeral was going to be the next day, and the thought of either of them having to get through the night without the other almost terrified him._

_Kate did stay that night, but told him she'd have to leave early to get ready for the ceremony in the morning._

_It was a long night. Sleep didn't come easily for either of them, and neither were in the mood for distractions. Most of the fitful hours were spent just holding each other in silence as they fought off personal demons and willed the nightmares to stay away._

_When the alarm finally went off, Kate slowly pulled herself from bed. Rick watched as she mechanically went through her basic routine without any sign of emotion. On impulse, he got up as well, grabbed his clothes and announced that he would take her home._

_She didn't argue or thank him or acknowledge him in any way other than an almost indiscernible nod._

_Minutes after they returned to her place, there was a knock on the door. Rick answered it. Even though Kate hadn't mentioned expecting anyone, he wasn't surprised to find Ryan and Esposito in the hall._

_Together, the four friends and partners prepared to lay their commander to rest. They talked about everything from the shooting to the ceremony and shared memories along the way._

_Rick felt encouraged by the little "family meeting" and noticed that the others seemed to as well. By the time the guys headed out, he had hope that perhaps this day would be able to be more than a memorial, but a way to celebrate a loved and valued life._

_At the funeral, Rick took his place with the police officers who'd included him as one of them. As one, they carried Captain Roy Montgomery to his final resting place. While Ryan and Esposito folded and presented the flag to the Roy's widow and children, Kate took her place at the podium where she would give the eulogy. At first he was tempted to stay near her side, but realized not only how out of place that would look, but figured it would also be a distraction that would annoy her, so he took a seat with Alexis and his mother._

_When Kate spoke to the gathered mourners, it seemed as if she were speaking directly to everyone individually, but when she made eye contact with him, Rick knew her words were aimed directly at him._

_As they held the poignant look, something in her face changed at the same moment he heard the shot._

_Instinct had him shoving Alexis to the ground, but as soon as she was down, Rick jumped over people and chairs to reach his fallen Kate._

_Lanie was hot on his heels and when they got to her, her red stained gloves and pale blue lips told of the severity of the situation._

_Rick dropped to his knees and pleaded for her to open her eyes, for her to hold on and not give up, but she never responded._

_Lanie began ripping open Kate's clothing, trying to save her life, but Rick couldn't watch as Kate's blood spilled over her skin and pooled in the grass._

_Now, two days later, Rick sat at her side, still pleading for her to wake up. The doctor said she was stable and would most likely make a full recovery, but he needed to see her hazel eyes. He needed to feel her grip his hand. He needed to see that she was really alive._

_Jim Beckett had finally fallen to sleep on the pull-out, and Rick could feel the weight of his own eyelids drooping. Rick moved his chair a bit closer to the bed, rested his head against the rail and slipped his strong hand into her limp one. When Kate woke up, he would not miss it._

**Rick Castle: May 2012**

The dreams never rested while Rick slept. When one became too much, he'd try unsuccessfully to wake up, only to dive right into another one. Some of the dreams were quite pleasant memories, but they didn't bring him rest. Others haunted him like ghosts, his own personal horror stories that he continued to relive.

No matter what the dreams focused on, they all had one thing in common... Kate Beckett.

She affected his life so deeply, that she was always with him, in his heart and in his mind.

Sometimes the dreams were more than games his mind played. They were memories so real that he actually believed he was reliving them or that she was there with him in the room.

After mentally fighting his way through her shooting for probably the thousandth time, there was actually a moment when he thought for sure he could hear her calling his name, and then touching his back and arm.

Somewhere in his unconscious state he considered trying the fight the fog in his head to reach out to her, but his heart won out. There was only one way he could still have Kate in his life and that was in his dreams.

**X**

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**A/N: OK, I know that was a heavy one, but I feel that it was a necessary evil. Forgive me :)**

**The next chapter is back to Kate, so we can find out what Alexis told her and how she's going to deal with it. Look for that... probably early Monday morning.**

**Thanks for all the encouragement. I'm truly thrilled to see that so many people are already hooked so early in the story. I love reading your reactions, it makes all the time spent plotting, planning, writing and editing worth it!**

**Have a fantastic weekend!**

**DeBo81**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**Kate Beckett: May 2012**

After getting off the phone, Kate looked at her notes from her conversation with Alexis.

It had been more than three days since she's heard from her dad. The last time they talked, he was home and told her about her Gram and Chet leaving for their Mediterranean cruise, and said he was going to try to get some writing done. He did not say anything about leaving the loft or any other plans, but his phone had been turned off or had died the day before and he had not answered or returned her calls, texts or emails. They hadn't fought and he'd sounded tired but not sick or like anything was wrong.

Alexis was worried. She was ready to fly back and tear the city apart brick by brick until she found her dad. He was known to fall off the face of the earth now and then but never for three days, not from Alexis.

Kate told the girl not to book flights just yet. She'd try to track him down and would call her back as soon as she found him.

She was annoyed at Rick for his lack of consideration. If he was writing, he was most likely, "in the zone" and had neglected to check his phone or emerge from his office, needlessly worrying his daughter.

She dialed the house number and waited as the phone rang. She wasn't surprised when then voice mail picked up.

When the digital voice cued her to leave a message, she did.

"Castle, if you can hear this, call Alexis. You've scared the hell out of her."

After hanging up, a smidgen of regret crept in. The message was harsher than she planned. What if he wasn't just zoned out in a haze of rough drafts, lack of sleep and stale coffee?

She dialed again, this time she called his cell. There were no rings this time. The voice mail picked up immediately.

"Castle, Alexis is looking for you. If you can't get a hold of her, call me. You've really given her a scare."

This message definitely had less venom in it. She knew him well enough to know that no matter what the situation was, he never would intentionally worry his only child.

That particular grain of knowledge ate at her. There were a lot of people Rick would block out. She'd seen him do it to Paula, Gina, Meredith and others, countless times. She could believe he would ignore her now too, and possibly his friends and even his mother, in certain circumstances but never Alexis. Maybe something was wrong.

Anger and annoyance faded away to be replaced with curiosity and concern.

She glanced over to her keys on the counter. She still had the key to the loft. He never asked for it, and for some reason she never took it off her key chain.

Moving on autopilot, because she couldn't let herself dwell on what exactly she was doing, Kate went to her room, changed into jeans, a purple tank top and a gray hooded cardigan; grabbed her phone, keys and purse, and headed out the door.

XXXXXXXXXX

It had been a year since the last time Kate entered the loft, but Henry the door man still greeted her with a nod and a smile.

"Good to see you again, Detective."

"You too, Henry. How's your wife doing?"

"Wonderful. She's been done with chemo for about six months now, and is really starting to get back to normal. Thanks for asking."

"I'm so glad." Kate smiled a genuine smile at the older man and turned toward the elevator.

The ride up to the loft passed slowly. Although she hoped and expected to find Rick asleep at his desk, she mentally prepared herself for other possibilities.

When she got to the door she'd passed through countless times, nerves attacked her gut. Pushing them aside she raised her hand and knocked loudly. When there was no answer, she tried again, waited a few moments and then reached for her keys.

Ever the cop, Kate also removed her service piece from where it was safely tucked in the back of her pants.

Carefully, with with weapon raised in her right hand, she opened the door with her left.

The lights inside the loft were off, except for the two lamps that she knew were on timers. Kate shut the door and slipped her keys back in her pocket. Then while gripping the glock with both hands, she called out, "Castle!"

No answer.

She let her eyes roam over the living room and kitchen. It was very clean, as it always was. Today was Friday so unless something had changed, she knew his cleaning lady had most likely been in that day. Experience told her though, that Rick's cleaning staff would leave some things alone... like his desk.

Leading with her piece, Kate moved to the office. The shelves and furniture were neat and orderly, but Rick's desk stood in stark contrast. Half empty coffee mugs dotted the surface between papers. His laptop was half open, and a tipped over cup of pencils left a mess that had scattered from the desk to the floor. It certainly painted a picture for her. An empty crystal brandy canister also sat on his desk, and the opened drawer holding a lidless flask told her more.

The scene reminded her of her father's office after her mom was killed.

Not dwelling on the frightening realization, she lowered her hands and walked to his bedroom. She pushed the door open with her foot and stepped in.

The clean, musky scent of Rick assaulted her nostrils. It immediately took her back to the nights she spent here in his arms. If she closed her eyes, she could still feet the heat of his skin next to hers, and the cool slippery sheets wrapped around them as they moved together as one.

Her eyes darted to the bed. Then somehow, she found herself standing next to it.

Knowing no one would ever know, she reached out and touched his pillow, allowing herself the bittersweet moment.

**Kate Beckett: February 2011**

"_Happy Valentine's Day," Rick whispered in her ear, after crumpling atop her body. _

_Unable to speak at first, Kate just smiled. This had been the best Valentine's she'd ever had and one she hoped to have many more of._

"_You outdid yourself this time, Mr. Castle," she teased as soon as her breathing evened out._

_He chuckled. "Only the best for you my lady."_

_He propped himself up on one elbow so that they could look each other in the eyes. "Although I must admit, Detective, you're quite the giver yourself."_

"_Well, when I was trying to figure out what to get you, I figured it was a toss up between this and a box of Red Hots."_

"_Mmmmmmmm, I'm glad you chose wisely, cuz nothing is hotter than you."_

_Kate felt the fire deep within her, reignite. Rick had a way of completely satisfying her and yet always leaving her wanting more._

_She raised herself up on her elbows so that they were again flush. She brought her mouth to his collar bone and kissed her way across his shoulder and up his neck until she found the spot below his ear that was extra sensitive._

_When she felt him respond, she took advantage of the moment and flipped them so that she was on top. Within minutes she buried her fingers into the plush pillow behind his head and held on as she was swept into a wave of euphoria._

**Kate Beckett: May 2012**

The sound of a fire engine passing by on the street below brought Kate back to the present. When she saw that she'd buried her hand in the soft pillow, she released it and smoothed it out so that it matched the opposite side.

Kate gave herself a mental shake. She wasn't here to relive the past, she was here to find Rick for his frantic daughter.

She continued to look for clues, checking his closet, the kitchen and the upstairs rooms that, with Alexis and Martha gone, were now almost empty. He obviously wasn't there and hadn't been at least for the day.

She wracked her brain for places he might have gone. She knew that Martha and Chet were gone, so it was unlikely that he was there. She would check The Old Haunt, Finnegan's Pub, or Mayfield's Bookstore, all places she knew he considered retreats. Alexis has told her she'd already called a couple of his friends who hadn't seen him for a few days, and from what she knew, he wasn't seeing anyone. So if he wasn't at one of those places, that only left one other place that she could think of to check... his home in the Hamptons.

An hour and a half later, Kate still hadn't found anyone who'd seen or heard from Rick in the last several days. She looked at the clock in her car. The green numbers told her it was almost eleven at night.

She was tired. She wanted to go home and fall asleep, but she wouldn't, not tonight. Not after Alexis' text asking if she'd had any luck.

After stopping at Starbucks and grabbing a venti sized caramel macchiato, Kate pulled into traffic and headed for Long Island.

As she emerged from the Midtown tunnel, Kate couldn't help but think about the last time she drove alone to the beach house in the middle of the night.

**Kate Beckett: August 2010**

"_Sir, I'm sorry, but I don't agree. I'll be fine."_

_Montgomery's sigh wasn't hidden even through the static of the bad cell connection. "Detective, this isn't open for argument. I know you hate to admit that you're not invincible, but you're injured. If the doctor recommends a week of rest, then I second that. I don't need an injured officer with a stubborn streak getting in the way of cases."_

"_It's just a sprain. A couple asprin and I'll be as good as gold."_

"_Kate," his tone changed from annoyed to angry, "You almost broke your ankle tonight running in those damn heels of yours. Frankly I can't believe it hasn't happened earlier. Now, you have a full bank of sick days and even more vacation time, I advise you to take a week of it before I put you on leave. Esposito said that the ER doc said a week minimum to stay off that ankle. I don't want to see you for at least that long. If you want another week to go with it, its yours, but you are not working for at least seven days."_

"_First of all, it had nothing to do with my heels, it was a broken step on the fire escape that made me fall. Second, what the hell am I supposed to do for a week? At least let me come in and catch up on paperwork."_

"_Right, like you could sit at your desk and watch the boys field it, if a fresh case dropped. No, you are officially off-duty. And as far as what to do, that's your prerogative. Catch up on your reading, see if there's a Mythbusters marathon on TV, make a scrapbook, I don't care."_

"_Sir..."_

"_Or..." he interrupted thoughtfully, "Isn't Castle still in the Hamptons for a couple more weeks? I bet he misses you."_

_Kate was not about to confirm or deny how much they missed each other. They were keeping their relationship quiet for the time being. He'd been gone all summer except for two nights that he'd come back to stay with her. And any time she'd had more than one day off, she'd visited him. But it had been almost two weeks since they'd seen each other._

"_I'm sure he wouldn't care for an unannounced and uninvited house guest." Kate rebutted. Although she knew better, she fought to keep up appearances._

_Montgomery laughed. "Oh Kate, you think you're hiding it, but we all know things have changed between you too. It's been written all over you since Memorial Day weekend. Go see him. Enjoy some vacation time and relax."_

_The heat of embarrassment washed over her. She'd been so careful, and yet they knew? She felt exposed._

_Still in shock from Roy's revelation, Kate didn't answer, which only confirmed what her boss already knew._

"_See you in a couple weeks Detective." With that Montgomery hung up leaving Kate sitting in her living room with a bag of ice on her left ankle, and in complete disbelief._

_Since there was obviously no way to get out of her current situation, she figured she might as well take her mentor's advice. After hobbling around to pack a duffel bag, Kate grabbed her keys and headed to the beach to surprise Rick._

_She arrived that night just before midnight. When she drove up the curvy driveway she could see a bonfire on the beach behind the house. After parking, she slowly limped around the house until she could see Rick sitting next to the fire, staring out at the dark ocean beyond._

_Even thought she never made a sound, before she was half way to him, he turned around and spotted her._

"_Kate? What are you doing here? Are you limping?"_

_He jumped up and ran to her._

"_I'm fine, really. It's just a sprain, but I'm on a forced vacation for at least a week while I rest."_

"_You should have called! I would have come and got you."_

"_It was kinda an impromptu decision. So it's OK that I came?"_

"_OK? OK! It's fantastic... not that you're hurt, but that you're here."_

"_What about Alexis? Is she going to mind?"_

"_Not at all."_

_After a long kiss, Rick scooped Kate up, bridal style, and carried her across the sand, back to the fire. They spent the rest of the night just sitting in each other's arms, talking and just enjoying being together again. It wasn't until after the eastern horizon began to lighten that they finally headed in to bed._

**Kate Beckett: May 2012**

Though not nearly as hectic as rush hour, the combination of a warm Friday night and holiday weekend added considerable traffic to her commute, despite the late hour. It was almost three in the morning when she finally arrive in East Hampton.

The hours spent in the car were spent alternating between recalling memories of their past, worrying about Rick's safety, and fighting the anger at him that she felt bubbling deep inside because he just wouldn't answer his phone.

By the time she pulled into the driveway, she was back to being worried. There were no lights on, nor any other outward signs that he was there or had been there any time recently.

After pausing for a moment to calm her nerves, she got out of her car and headed toward the garage. Instinct told her that he probably hadn't changed the code.

Kate flipped open the partially hidden keypad box and punched in the the date that his first novel made the New York Times' Best Seller List.

Almost immediately the large door began to rise off the ground.

Before the garage was completely open, Kate breathed a sigh of relief. Rick's car was parked safely inside. It was the first thing she'd considered good news all night.

Once inside the garage she hit the button to close the large door again, and then tried the knob on the door that she knew led into the mud room. When she found it locked, she pulled a bobby pin from her hair and picked it. Less than two minutes later she was back in the familiar kitchen.

In the dim light of the full moon shining in the windows and skylight, Kate could tell that Rick had indeed been there. Empty coffee cups were stacked in the sink, and half empty take out containers and empty booze bottles littered the counter.

"Castle?" She called softly into the dark of the living room that sat just past the large kitchen island.

Nothing.

Kate pulled out her phone and switched on the flash light app. A quick inspection told her he wasn't on the main floor, so she climbed the stairs to where the bedrooms were located.

All the doors were open including the one to the master suite.

She froze in the hallway before entering. What if... what if he had "company"?

She thought about it for a second and came to two conclusions. One, she had so far seen no signs that would point to more than one person being there. And two, she was a homicide detective, she knew there were a lot things she could find that were much worse than finding her ex with a new lover. She gave Alexis her word and she would keep it.

Kate steeped into the doorway and knocked on the door frame. "Castle?"

There was no response, so she tried again, only louder. "Castle! Are you OK?"

When he still didn't answer, her pulse began to race. Not hesitating any longer, she headed quickly to the bed. Rick, wearing only shorts, was laying face down in the pillow completely motionless.

Her fear escalated. Kate reached out and shook his shoulder. It was warm and only after she touched him did she realize his torso was rising ever so slightly with each breath.

Now that she knew he was alive, some of her anxiety broke into a cold sweat. Kate shook him again but all he did was turn his head and snore.

Her fear was now melting away back into anger and annoyance.

She rolled his almost naked body over so that he was on his back. "Rick Castle! Wake up! You've scared the shit out of your daughter!"

"Wha?" he slurred without waking up.

"Alexis is scared out of her mind right now. She hasn't been able to get a hold of you in days."

Rick, who smelled like a still, mumbled something entirely incoherent that ended with something that sounded a lot like a sob.

Kate stood and watched him, wondering what to do next. She was exhausted and emotionality drained.

After another few moments, she pulled out her phone and texted Alexis.

**Found your dad. He's safe at the beach house.**

A reply came back after just seconds.

**Is he awake? Can I talk to him?**

Kate considered sugar coating it at first, but then decided that the girl deserved the truth.

**Call tomorrow. He's sleeping one off. I'm guessing he'll be hungover for a while.**

Alexis' last reply took a little longer but eventually came back.

**Thank you Kate. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you doing this for me.**

She thought of all the stress and hassle the last few hours had been, but softened. It was worth it all if it meant Alexis would sleep easy tonight.

**No problem. Good night.**

Now that that was taken care of, Kate needed to make some decisions. Should she go back to the city tonight? And if she did leave, should she leave a note or just slip away into the night?

A large and unladylike yawn wracked her body. She knew that with enough caffeine she could make it back home, but the last thing she wanted to do was get back behind the wheel.

How awkward would it be if she stayed? What would she say to him in the morning?

Rick turned over again onto his stomach. She just stood there staring at him.

No, she wasn't going to leave. She was tired and no matter the hell the morning would bring, she would stay.

Kate left Rick's room and went back to the room she stayed in the first night she ever spent in this house.

And like the last time she slept in the comfortable queen size bed, only one thing filled her thoughts, and he was sleeping in the next room.

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**A/N: Well I said I'd post this early Monday morning, and I know for some of you it is Monday, but I wasn't really planning on this early. I knew tomorrow would be busy, but I forgot that I wouldn't be at my computer almost at all, sooooooo when I realized that tonight, I got busy so I could get this out. Hopefully I'm not so tired that I missed something.**

**Anyway, thanks for reading and Happy Castle Monday to everyone! Let hope Headhunters leaves up happy!**

**I'll post again in another couple days!**

**DeBo81**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**Rick Castle: May 2012**

When Rick opened his eyes, he had no idea where he was or how long he'd been asleep. Only one thought could even begin to penetrate the pounding in his head and the fog in his brain... coffee.

He wanted it so badly he could smell it.

Slowly, because his head hurt so badly that the pain radiated through his entire body with even the slightest movement, he pushed the sheet off his face, only to groan and pull it back up.

Damn but that sun was bright!

While he laid there, Rick took a deep breath and prepared to try getting up again, but when he inhaled, the scent of coffee got stronger. He was home alone so surely he had to be imagining it, right?

Eyes still closed, he tried to clear his head and then took a intentional deep breath, inhaling through his nose so that he could identify whatever it was that was reminding him of coffee. But there was no denying the scent he knew so well.

Curiosity now outweighed some of his discomfort and he again pushed the covers away. Rick opened his eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the bright light. Before the ceiling fan above the bed came completely into focus, he became aware of the sensation that he was being watched. He turned his head a bit to the left to see if anyone was in the hall.

It was empty, as it should be, but he still couldn't shake the feeling so he looked to the right. What he saw made him rub his eyes to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

There sat Kate Beckett in his oversized chair, legs slung over the arm with steaming mug in hand, staring at him with a look somewhere between pity and disdain.

"Kate! What are you doing here?"

She changed positions so that she was sitting up straight and rigid. "That's a good question isn't it? Have you checked your phone even once in the last three or four days?"

"You were trying to call me?"

"No! Buy your daughter has been! Do you realize how scared she got when she couldn't get a hold of you?"

Rick gingerly sat up and rubbed his head groggily. Things were beginning to clear up. "Scared enough to call you?"

"She was ready to fly back here in the middle of the night last night and turn the city upside down looking for you. She was scared you were injured... or worse."

Guilt like he'd rarely experienced before, weighed him down like a wet blanket. "I need to call her and tell her I'm OK."

"She knows. I texted her when I found you here."

Castle was relieved that Alexis wasn't worried anymore but it didn't ease the guilt.

"I'm so sorry Kate. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I wasn't. Thank you for doing this for Lex... it means a lot to me, to both of us." Rick watched her with a deep intensity as he spoke.

Kate nodded and then looked away breaking the spell that was forming. She took a long drink from the mug she held, then bit her lip. He knew that meant she was thinking hard, or maybe even nervous.

"I don't suppose there's any more of that made, is there?"

She answered but didn't look him in the eye. "A whole pot downstairs. I had a feeling you'd need it today."

"How long have you been here?"

Kate glanced at her watch. "I got in about three this morning... so almost twelve hours."

"You mean its after noon?"

Kate shook her head yes.

"Why did you stay? I mean, after you knew I was safe and could tell Lex you found me... why didn't you just leave? I never would have known you were even here."

"I know. You were dead to the world." Rick noticed that she choked slightly on the word dead. "I was worried. I've seen this before."

He questioned her with his eyebrows.

"With my dad. But were much more "out of it", than just a couple drinks. What did you take?"

"Nothing," he tried to shrug it off.

"Cas... Rick, please."

"I've had some fits of insomnia the last couple weeks. I just took something to help me sleep."

"And by something, are you referring to the empty bourbon bottle on the floor or the Ambien you left on the bathroom counter?"

Obviously the question was rhetorical, so he didn't dignify it with an answer.

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I just need some coffee to help me kill this buzz, and I'll be peachy."

He finished pushing the sheet off of his body and sat up stiffly. Suddenly he became aware that he was only in his underwear and looked around the floor for some pants.

Like always, she knew what he wanted without him saying, and reached down to pick up the gray sweats next to her.

"Thanks," he offered.

He could feel her eyes on him as he dressed. It made him feel alive, a feeling he'd missed for a very long time.

When he looked back up to her face, he was surprised to see it flash with desire, before she quickly masked it.

Kate stood and walked out of the room before him, "Come on lets get you some coffee."

XXXXXXXXXX

Both Kate and Rick silently settled in at the kitchen counter, sipping from their hot mugs.

Rick wondered why Kate wasn't leaving, but hoped that she'd stay a while longer, even if it killed him later. For the moment, he soaked in the time they had.

He didn't say anything, nervous that anything he said might send her on her way. So it was quiet until she finally spoke.

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really." He mumbled.

Another long silence.

"Did you clean the kitchen?" Rick asked.

"Not really, just picked a few things up and loaded the dishwasher."

He nodded. "Thanks, again"

She only shrugged.

After refilling their cups for again, Kate turned to face him. He couldn't help but meet her gaze. He'd only seen her two or three times in the last year, and not at all since the Ryan's wedding in January. She was so beautiful, but she looked thinner and paler than he remembered... and boy did he remember.

When she bit her bottom lip, his insides began to melt, which only made him silently berate himself. He shouldn't be under her spell anymore. Time had passed; they'd moved on. Hell, if anything, he should be furious for the way she dumped him last year, not staring at her like she was some kind of forbidden desert.

Rick forced himself to look away. He stared into the dark hot liquid in his cup. It didn't distract him, like so many other things... coffee was just another reminder of her.

**Rick Castle: September 2010**

_It had been a rough week, with a rough case, but that day it only got worse. They'd finally found a witness to the murder of nineteen year old Marietta Zitto, unfortunately it was a seven year old boy. The child who'd held on to the secret for more than six days, finally broke down at school. Between the school nurse and a counselor they were able to comfort the child but were completely shocked by what he told them._

_Hours later with the boy's foster mother and a child advocate present, Darvan Scott told Kate everything he knew. He admitted that he'd taken a bag of Cheetos from a convenience store and then hid in a nearby alley to eat his stolen snack in secret. Then how he saw his seventeen year old foster brother, Brandon Harris, come into the alley with a girl. They were fighting. She said something about not having the money for Brandon and he pushed her into the wall. Darvan admitted to wanting to run but being too scared to move. He knew that his foster brother was mean and if he found out he was watching him, he would likely pay for it later, so he hid as best as he could and tried not to make a noise, even when Brandon picked up a brick and began to hit the girl in the head with it._

_Darvan told them through a flood of tears that after Brandon left, he threw up behind the dumpster where he hid and then ran home as fast as he could so that he could get home before his brother. He didn't know where the brick was or where Brandon's clothes were because he'd been avoiding the teen._

_The child's story began to open doors in the investigation. By the end of the night, Brandon was in holding, and Darvan was being moved to a different family._

_Rick sat next to Kate's desk and watched as she mechanically processed the paperwork that awaited her. Any case involving kids was gut wrenching, but at least this one was solved. He knew she wouldn't go home until she could put the case completely to bed, and from the pile of papers and files on her desk, that would be a while._

_Not really being able to help her with her task, but not willing to leave her either, Rick tried to think of ways to ease her burden. Right now, the dark circles under her eyes and fatigue of her face were what called to him._

_He stood and headed to the lounge where he prepared them each a frothy cup of cappuccino. When he returned, he put his down on the end of the desk, her's in front of her, and then moved beyond her so that he could reach her neck._

_The bullpen was almost empty. Montgomery was in his office but the blinds were closed. Detective Wendall was in the media room watching hours of surveillance from the case he was working, and Kate had sent the boys home hours earlier, leaving them alone for the minute._

_Taking advantage of the privacy, Rick moved his hands to her neck and began to knead the knotted muscles of her neck and shoulders. She never stopped working, but leaned into his touch._

_When he heard Wendall coming down the hall, Rick quickly moved back to his seat. _

_After the other detective had passed and was back at his desk, Rick leaned into whisper to Kate. "I wish I could show you how much I respect you and what you do here, and how it makes me care for you more and more each day."_

_Kate stopped typing and looked at him with a soft, sweet smile. Then she took her cup, held it for him to see and then whispered back. "You already did."_

**Rick Castle: May 2012**

When Kate spoke, Rick was so into his own thoughts that he missed what she'd said.

"I'm sorry, I was distracted, Say that again?"

"I asked how long have you been drinking like this, Rick."

"Its not what it looks like, I swear. This was just a one time thing."

Her skeptical eyebrow told him how much she disbelieved him.

"I checked the loft before coming here, and the Old Haunt, and other places. Even if this is a one time thing... this one time has lasted more than a week from what I've seen and been told."

"People talk too much. It's nothing."

"Forgive me if I don't believe you. You may not be a raging alcoholic _yet_, but its definitely something."

Something in Rick changed. The infatuation fell back to allow room for spite.

"Why do you suddenly care?"

"You're my... You'll always be... Of course I care, Rick! You're my...," Kate fumbled.

"Do you care about all your exes like this?"

"You're more than my ex." Kate paused to take a deep breath, looked at her fett and then brought her gaze back to Rick's eyes. "You're my friend!"

"Really! Is that what we are? I haven't seen you or heard from you in a year, except when you were draped all over Esposito at the wedding. I kinda figured that you'd just got tired of sleeping with one partner and moved onto another one."

He could see from the way she recoiled that he would have hurt her less if he'd just slapped her.

Kate stood up abruptly and raced up the stairs. When she came back down with her purse, her face was so red and hard that it scared him a bit.

Again he was filled with guilt! Why did this all have to be so complicated?

When she headed for the door, he ran to get in front of her, even jumping over a couch to do so. He headed her off just as she reached the exit. He head pounded feriously and his eyes blurred momentarily, but he held his ground.

"Kate, please don't go. Not like this. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it like that, I'm just upset."

She didn't move, didn't speak, didn't blink. She just stared.

"Even if you and Espo are or were together, that's none of my business and I'm sure you have a wonderful meaningful relationship."

The words, only half-felt were bitter in his mouth.

"You're right, it isn't any of your business."

They continued to stare at each other, emotions playing across both their faces.

Why he asked the next question he didn't know, maybe just morbid curiosity, but none the less he asked anyway. "Does he make you happy?"

Something he couldn't identify changed in the way she looked at him. He braced himself for whatever she might unleash but then she softened ever so slightly.

"We aren't together. Never have been. We went to the wedding as friends."

"That's not how it looked."

"I know. I knew you and Lanie were going together, so I asked Javier. At first I thought maybe I could get him and Lanie together but they're too blind to see what they could have. Then when I saw you guys having so much fun together, maybe I got a little jealous. I had a couple drinks to loosen up and I know I made a fool of myself, but I was... I guess I wanted to make you jealous too."

"Well it worked."

She didn't apologize, but had the decency to look shamed.

She dropped her eyes to the floor between them. "If it makes you feel better, not that its really any of your business, but I haven't been with anyone since you."

Something akin to pure joy tingled from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. He had no right to let the information excite him so, but it didn't stop it from happening.

When he was sure that he could control his voice, he replied, "Well, just so you know, I haven't either."

Clearly this surprised her.

"Look Kate, right now I have a pounding headache and my mouth feels like I need to shave it, but we obviously need to talk. Things didn't end well for us, but I don't see why we have to let it destroy us either. You were my best friend, and more than anything else, I miss that. Can I convince you to stay for a little longer? Maybe if you can outlast this hangover, we can talk. I don't know about you, but I could use the peace of mind."

Kate stood there considering it. He knew she wanted to run, but she didn't.

"How much time do you think you need?"

"I don't know... a few hours, maybe?"

"And in the mean time?"

"I don't know, just relax I guess, make yourself at home. I think I'm gonna take some asprin and go see if I can sleep a bit longer."

Kate crossed her arms across her chest and leaned her hip against the side table next to her. "Fine, but I need to leave at a reasonable hour. I don't want to spend another entire night on the road."

He let out a breath he hadn't noticed that he was holding.

"Great !When I get up later, maybe I can order some dinner and we can talk then. You'll be home in time to go to bed."

Kate agreed. She dropped her purse on the table and headed to the floor to ceiling bookshelves in the living room. "I'll go read on the patio until you get up."

On his way back upstairs, Rick took one more look over his shoulder. Kate was back in his home. For the first time in a year he felt complete.

Back in his room, Rick called Alexis. She was both upset at him and relieved to his voice. He apologized profusely and promised he'd find a way to make it up to her. When they hung up, a peace that had been missing for a long time settled over him, allowing him to fall asleep almost instantly.

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**A/N: Yay, we survived Headhunters... and I for one really liked it. I will say no more though, I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet.**

**Well at least in this story our fav couple is talking... some. They still have a long way to go, but at least they're making an attempt at communication. Where will it lead? Mwhahaha! ;) That's for me to know and you to find out... soon! Hope to post again Thursday**.

**Thank you for all the awesome feedback you've been giving me. With all my fics I'm nervous they'll fail even before I post the first word ( if you don't believe me, ask Teelduo, she regualrly has to talk me down)... but this time, with the different style/format/concept, I was especially nervous! You guys are boosting my confidence with all you kind words and encouragement! I love it! Thank you! I hope you continue to enjoy it as much as you have so far! **

**Happy Reading!**

**DeBo81**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**Kate Beckett: May 2011**

_When the lab tech left the room, the tears began to fall. Everyone around her was so thrilled, because eleven days after being brought into the ER , clinically dead, she would be released from the hospital to continue her recovery at home. But Kate didn't share in the enthusiasm. Yes, she was glad to be leaving the hospital, confident that not only would she survive, but be able to be back to full health soon; but before she went home, she had one more major hurdle to cross. Today she would disregard her heart and break Rick's in the process._

_The time on the TV news said it was quarter to eight. In fifteen minutes visiting hours would begin and she knew Rick would be at her side only moments later._

_At five past eight, she heard Rick's voice coming down the hall. She wiped at her face hoping that he wouldn't suspect that she was upset. When he entered the room, she was glad she'd pulled herself together, because he wasn't alone._

"_Hey Babe," he greeted when he entered and then kissed her on the head. "Look who I ran into in the hall?"_

_Dr. Joshua Davidson smiled. "How are you feeling today, Kate?"_

_She shrugged. "I'm OK."_

"_Just OK? That doesn't sound like someone on the verge of getting released. Any changes I need to know about?"_

_The tall, handsome doctor read over her chart while he spoke, then moved to listen to her heart and lungs with his stethoscope._

"_No, I guess I'm just tired."_

_Satisfied with what he heard, he unsnapped a couple snaps on her gown to discreetly lift the bandages to check her wounds."Well hopefully tonight you'll get to sleep in your own bed. Maybe you'll feel more rested."_

_She offered a half smile. "Maybe so."_

_When Dr. Davidson was done with his exam, Kate fixed herself while he signed her chart. Rick smiled and rested a hand on her shoulder._

_A nurse in teal scrubs knocked and entered the room. "Dr. Davidson, when you're done in here, they need you in OR 3, Dr. Lee is looking for you."_

"_Thanks, Tracie. I'll meet him there in about five minutes."_

_The nurse left again. "Well Kate, I'm signing off on you now. Everything is looking great. Cardiology and Pulmonolgy will still have to clear you, but I'm guessing you'll be gone by the time I do rounds tonight. I'd like to see you again in my office in two weeks. The girls at the desk will have all your going home care papers and prescriptions, and can set up that post-op appointment as well." _

_Kate noticed that Rick was listening carefully, mentally making notes so that he could help her in the weeks to come. Her stomach tightened into a bigger knot._

"_Until I see you for your check up, take it easy, and rest. Dr. Javors and Dr. Ortega will talk to you about physical and respiratory therapy, but outside of that, I don't want you to exert yourself. No alcohol or caffeine for the time being either. If you run any fever, notice any redness or swelling, dizzy spells, or difficulty breathing, call me or go directly into the ER. You've been doing great but you still have a ways to go before you start feeling normal again. Do you have any questions?"_

"_No, I don't think so."_

"_Excellent. When you go home do you have someone to stay with you?"_

"_Uhhhhhh..."_

"_I will." Rick chimed in and squeezed her hand._

"_Or my dad, if Rick's not around."_

"_Either way, you'll be in excellent hands."_

_Dr. Davidson reached out and shook both of their hands. "Good to talk to you again Rick. And Kate, I'll see you in a couple weeks."_

_The man in scrubs turned and left even while he was finishing his sentence._

_Alone now with Rick, Kate's heart began to pound and ache. She knew it had more to do with what was about to happen than her healing body._

"_Isn't this great? I can't wait to get you home."_

_Kate tried to nod and smile, but when she realized she was going to fail at both, turned and looked out the window._

"_About that..."_

"_Yes, I know you want to go home, but I really think you'd be better at the loft. You'll never be left alone, and your father is welcome to stay there too if he wants. Let me spoil you."_

"_Rick I can't."_

"_Sure you can. It's no imposition, you're part of the family."_

"_No, Rick, listen to me. I REALLY can't."_

_He finally seemed to acknowledge the seriousness of the matter. The smile dropped from his face along with the twinkle in his eyes._

"_Kate, what's wrong?"_

_Before she could utter a single word, the first hot tear betrayed her and fell to her cheek._

"_We have to talk."_

"_OK."_

"_I'm sorry but this isn't going to work anymore."_

_Oppressive silence filled the room, only to be interrupted by the occasional beep of a machine or passing noise in the hall._

_Rick swallowed deeply. His adam's apple bobbed up and down and the skin of his forehead creased in confusion._

"_By "this" you mean the arrangement of where you're going to recover?"_

_She knew he understood what she meant by "this" even if he was hoping it was something other._

_Kate swung her head back and forth slowly. "No Rick, I mean... us."_

"_What? Why?"_

"_Since the shooting, I've had a lot of time to think and I've realized some things. One of which is how selfish I've been. I have a dangerous job, and that in and of itself is a lot to ask anyone to deal with, but the shooting showed me that it's more than my job that puts me in danger... it's my life as a whole. I can't give up my mom's case, and I won't give up being a cop, and that means I will always have a target on me."_

"_I would never ask you to give those up. Did you think I would?"_

"_No, I know you wouldn't and that's why I have to walk away. Being with you, and you shadowing me puts your life on the line. You're a writer not a cop. You have a mother and daughter who NEED you here. I know what it's like to be robbed of a parent, I won't do that to Alexis."_

"_Kate stop being ridiculous." Rick's voice cracked as he spoke. "It's just the trauma of everything that happened that's talking. You can't really mean this."_

"_But I do."_

"_It's not your choice to make. I knew the dangers when I started shadowing you. I accept them. I take precautions and will always try to be safe but if that's what worries you, I'll stop. Just don't end us."_

"_But that's what I'm telling you. The dangers surrounding me flow well beyond the job. I was almost killed while giving a eulogy at a police funeral. I was literally surrounded by hundreds of officers and the people who are after me, want it bad enough to even track me down there. If that bullet had been even a little off, I wouldn't be here now. Hell, it literally flew past YOUR head. If you or Alexis had moved, it could have killed you!"_

"_Kate, please don't do this. We can talk this out."_

"_No, Rick, please. This is already hard enough. I've made my decision. I won't change my mind."_

_Kate turned away. The tears were flowing freely now and she just wanted to be alone._

_She felt his presence leave her side. She couldn't remember ever feeling so cold or alone._

_But before he left he spoke quietly. "I'm leaving now, because that's what you've asked me to do, but don't think I've given up on you. Maybe you just need some time."_

_She didn't move or answer. She didn't want to give him a false hope. It was over and it was for the best. She really cared about him, more than she thought she would, and she'd be damned if she had to bear the weight of his death too._

_XXXXXXXXXX_

_The first two weeks out of the hospital, Kate stayed with her dad. After her first round of doctor's appointments were over, they headed upstate to his cabin, where she spent most of the rest of her recovery. During that time, she cut off almost all communication with her friends. Only her dad knew how to contact her._

_She knew from the texts and voice mails, and messages her dad passed on, that there were a lot of people concerned and she appreciated that. She also knew that there was one person who hadn't yet given up his quest to re-connect. It wasn't until late August that Rick finally stopped reaching out. _

_The first week of September, Kate returned to the city, and a week later to the precinct. She knew life would be different but she hoped that if she acted like nothing had changed, maybe the others around her would too. Eventually it worked. She threw herself into her job, giving it everything she had. No one spoke about the shooting or Rick for which she was grateful. They were both things she tried to keep buried._

**Kate Beckett: May 2012**

Kate shivered as a breeze slid over her body. She turned over on her side and reached for a blanket that wasn't there. When the book she'd been holding hit the ground, Kate woke up.

"Have a good nap?" came a familiar male voice.

She sat straight up, trying to assess her situation. She was at Rick's beach house, and she'd fallen asleep while reading in a lounge chair next the pool. Now the sun was setting and Rick was cooking something on the grill that smelled delicious.

"Um, yeah. I guess. How long have I been asleep?"

"Not sure. It's around eight now, and when I came down an hour ago, you were out cold."

Kate swung her feet to the floor and picked up the book. "I didn't even make it through the first chapter. I've been asleep for a while."

"Hungry?"

Kate lifted her eyes to him and ended up watching him unabashedly. Now in a clean, fitted tee, and jeans that hugged his ass, and the fact that he'd shaven off what she could only assume was close to a week's worth of beard growth... he looked... gorgeous.

She shouldn't be here. And she definitely shouldn't stay. The longer they were together, the more things could go wrong.

She stood and prepared an excuse, but before she decided how she was going to make her exit, she caught another whiff of the steaks he was cooking. Her stomach growled loudly.

Kate quickly covered her traitorous belly and blushed. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to stay a little longer, after all, she did agree to talk with him.

"Actually, I am. Whatcha making?"

"Well these steaks are almost done, and I've got a salad prepped and waiting in the fridge."

Kate nodded as she came to terms with her decision to stay. "Its still nice, I'll go grab the salad and plates and some drinks, and maybe we can eat out here?"

Rick smiled in agreement making butterflies flutter in her belly, just like they used to. Kate frowned and headed in quickly. She shouldn't be reacting like this to him. It wouldn't do anyone any good.

Ten minutes later, they were both sitting at the patio table, eating in comfortable companionship.

"So, I talked to Alexis a bit the other night, but just about trying to find you. How's she doing in college?" Kate asked after a sip from her glass of ice water.

"Really well. I think it was a harder transition than she expected, but she got through it. Her grades are good. She and Ashley are still together, she even got a pretty coveted internship for the next couple weeks."

It warmed Kate's heart to hear that the girl was doing so well. She only hoped for the best for Alexis.

"And how have you been, having your little girl on the other side of the country?"

Rick chuckled humorlessly. "Not as well as she has. I miss her."

"She'll be home soon though?"

"July." Conversation trailed off briefly while they ate, but then Rick continued. "You want to hear something funny?"

Knowing he wasn't going to tell her a joke, she wasn't sure if she really did. "Sure."

"I'm this famous "playboy" author and over forty years old, and this is the first time in my life that I've lived alone."

The confession surprised Kate. She'd lived alone for what felt like most of her life. "Seriously?"

"Seriously. As a kid I lived with my mom... and whoever she'd drug home, then I went to boarding school and college. I always had roommates, and after college two friends and I got a place together. Then when Meredith got pregnant, I moved in with her until we got the loft. I've had Alexis ever since. Now... no Alexis. No Mother. No one." Rick took a bite from his salad, and chewed thoughtfully. "Somehow, I always thought that living alone would give me freedom."

"Sometimes it does."

"Most of the time its just quiet and boring and..."

"And?" Kate pressed, against her better judgment.

"And depressing."

Her heart softened toward him a little more.

"I'm sorry its been like that for you. I imagine it can be very hard sometimes."

"Yeah."

They both grew quiet.

Kate picked at her salad that was delicious but suddenly no longer appealing. "Is that why you've been trying to drown your sorrows?"

"I told you... its not like that."

"Then how is it like?"

Rick put his fork down, sat back in his chair and studied her.

She thought he might try changing the subject, but he surprised her by answering.

"It's just been the last couple weeks. So much has happened in the last year... It was all just becoming too much. I just wanted to get past..." he paused and looked away from her to stare at the waves crashing on the beach. "I just needed to get past this weekend."

Kate marveled at Rick's openness after all they'd been through. It was both scary and refreshing.

"I know what you mean. Everyone at the station was forcing me to take the weekend off and the other day with the anniversary of the shooting and all... I just wanted to be left alone."

Neither one spoke again while they slowly finished their dinner.

As Rick stood and gathered their plates, he paused and looked her in the eye. "Its ironic really, we've spent so much time apart and avoiding each other. Then this weekend, the only thing either of us wanted was to be alone, and most likely, not to be reminded of each other. But instead, we're here together and at least for me, feeling better than I have in a long time."

There went the butterflies again in her gut.

Rick left her alone on the patio to swallow that difficult morsel of truth, while he put things back in the house.

She tipped her head back to look at the now, almost completely dark sky. The first few stars were out, sparkling in their bed of royal blue. The beauty of the evening was completely lost on her though. Everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours left her shaken, distracted and confused.

She and Rick weren't a couple anymore, and for good reasons. It was best for everyone involved. Yes, she still missed him sometimes. But he had been her dear friend, of course she would miss him. Now, though, despite everything that had happened, they were pushed together unexpectedly, only to find the easy friendship they'd always shared. Then he goes and tells her that just spending time with her makes him feel better, something she could feel mirrored in herself... it was just too much.

Kate stood and wandered away from the house, toward the beach. When she stepped from the stone of the patio into the soft, cool sand, she kicked her shoes off and continued.

Only when the icy froth of the waves washed over her feet, did she still.

Long minutes passed while she tossed everything around in her head, and tried not to listen to her aching heart.

Kate felt Rick's presence long before she could hear him. Soon he was standing silently at her side. They weren't touching, but Kate could practically feel the electricity popping between them.

She knew she should say something, they needed to just talk and clear the air, but where was she supposed to start?

Rick turned and began walking down the beach. He didn't say anything, but she was fully aware of his unspoken request to walk with him. She complied.

Even after a year apart, they were still able to read each other in a way she had never experienced with anyone else.

She missed him terribly.

Maybe... just maybe, they could work something out so that they could regain the friendship they'd lost.

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**A/N: I know a lot of you have been wondering about the break up, and now you have it. But along with the break up of the past, we also have the hope for a future. **

**Makes me think of the quote from headhunters "Do you want it badly enough to get over being hurt?"**

**It's a pretty profound question.**

**Just so you know, I won't be posting again until Monday because of work, a birthday party, a get together with a couple other OCD friends, church and a baby shower. But I promise I'll get it out as early on Monday as possible!**

**Have a great day and a wonderful weekend!**

**Until next time, happy reading!**

**DeBo81**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**Rick Castle: May 2012**

Rick had been warring with himself all evening over whether to be angry at himself for letting the woman who a year ago crushed him, back into his life; or hopeful that maybe they could find a way to work something out. When Kate began walking by his side, matching him stride for stride, Rick had his answer. He couldn't help but feel like the world was a little better place when she was near.

As they strolled down the dark beach, the backs of their hands occasionally bumped. When the temptation to just throw caution to the wind and take Kate's hand became too much for him, Rick stuffed his hands into his pockets.

He might be happy to have her here but he couldn't just forget all that had happened either. One wrong move by either one of them, and this could all end very badly... again.

After walking on for quite a while, Kate finally spoke. "So you wanted to talk... I'm listening."

"I do... I just don't know what to say."

He couldn't see her face well but he knew the chuckle she made and could picture the dry amusement she'd wear. "That's gotta be a first."

Feeling pressured to say something... anything, he thought back to their earlier conversation and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "You're the one who broke up with me. Why at the wedding were you trying to make me jealous? Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

When she didn't answer right away, his heart dropped. He'd already pushed her away.

Kate stopped walking, bent and picked something up from the sand, then chucked it as hard as she could, into the waves.

"Its not that I wanted to break up with you," she whispered.

That wasn't anything close to what he'd expected. "But you did."

"I know."

"That doesn't really answer my question, Kate." He didn't want to push her away, but he felt that he was entitled to some answers as well. "Wasn't ripping my heart out once bad enough? Why did you feel like you had to make me jealous?"

Kate turned abruptly to face him. In the low light, he couldn't see her well, but enough to see the flash of emotion in her eyes.

"I wasn't trying to hurt you more, I was just reacting. It was stupid and thoughtless."

He took a moment to let her statement sink in.

"The jealousy, or the break up?"

She didn't answer, but began walking again.

"Kate, answer me. Was the break up just a thoughtless reaction to everything that happened?"

Somewhere in the distance a low rumble of thunder rolled through the air.

"I thought long and hard about it, Rick. I did it to protect you and your family."

"I don't recall you asking me if I wanted to be protected. I think you were protecting yourself."

A wave, larger than others before it, crashed against their legs, soaking them and throwing them both off balance. Kate grabbed for Rick just as her feet were pulled out from under her.

He grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her against his chest.

A flash of lightening from the south briefly lit up the night sky. It was just enough to let them both see how effected the other was by the rawness of their discussion and the heat of their proximity.

Now that she was this close to him, in his arms and unable, at least for the moment, to run away, the words poured from him.

"I know you cared about me and about my family, but I don't think that keeping us safe was what really pushed you. I think you were scared and ran. I think that you felt, or perhaps still feel that you've already lost people you cared deeply about and that if you keep caring you'll just keep losing. I think that deep down there was a little part of you who didn't want to wake up after that bullet hit you, because you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and its crushing you. But Kate being in a relationship isn't about adding burdens to your life; its about being with a person who wants to help you carry them. If you were scared for our safety then you should have talked to me about it, not just made a decision for both of us. We were in that relationship together. You AND me."

Another wave pounded them so Rick led them up to dry sand.

"Rick you don't understand. You haven't been in my shoes."

A cold drop of rain hit his face. Another low and slow rumble of thunder seemed to roll across the night sky that was quickly clouding up.

"No, I don't know what its like to have my mother murdered, or to be the target of a sniper. But you know what I do understand? I understand feeling helpless while a man you look to as a father is taking his last breath, and there's nothing you can do. I understand watching your family change and wondering how you're going to adapt. I understand being scared for your life and for those around you. I understand wanting to leave everything behind and starting over. And now I understand how frightening it is to realize you love someone enough to let them go. So no I haven't been in your shoes, but yes, I think I understand."

The rain had begun to fall steadily, causing droplets to run off their face like tears but from the tremble of her shoulders, he was pretty sure she might be crying too.

Instead of ignoring her emotional rawness, like he knew she wanted, he pressed her for the truth. He rested his forehead directly on hers, so their eyes met through the dark, and he could feel each of her ragged breaths on his lips. "Tell me you don't regret walking away. That you don't wish you could go back and do things differently. Tell me you don't miss us."

She tried to move her head away but Rick moved his hands to her cheeks so that she had to face him.

His voice dropped and he whispered just loud enough to be heard over the surf and storm. "Tell me Kate."

"I can't."

Rick let out a breath he'd been holding.

"That's why you stayed last night. You may have found me for for Alexis, but you stayed for you. You still care."

"Rick, please."

"Come on, lets go get dry." He grabbed Kate's hand and pulled gently till they were both running across the beach in the storm, toward the house.

By the time they stumbled in through the sliding door, the rain had become a full fledged downpour. Both were soaked to the skin. A quick look over at the woman with him revealed that Kate's clothes clung to her like a second skin and her teeth chattered violently.

"You need to get out of those clothes before you catch a chill." Rick told her as he pulled his shirt off and dropped it into a wet heap on the tile floor.

The laundry room was next to them so he stepped in and grabbed a couple towels.

"I'm not undressing, especially here. Besides I have to get going. I'll just towel off a bit."

"Kate it's like a monsoon out there, you're absolutely drenched, and besides we're not done talking. So please, go in the laundry room, throw your clothes in the dryer and I'll bring you something to wear. By the time were done talking, I'm sure it'll all be dry."

"I'm already done talking."

"Fine, but I'm not. Humor me."

After staring him down for a few poignant seconds, she conceded and retreated to the small room after picking up his shirt from the floor.

As the door closed, Rick turned to head upstairs but not before he heard her answer, "You have one hour more. That's all."

It only took him a minute to change into navy running pants and a white t-shirt. But then he had to figure out what she could wear.

He pulled out his Green Lantern shirt that he remembered she liked to sleep in. Then after appraising the contents of another drawer, found some drawstring pajama shorts that she could likely cinch tight enough around her slim waist.

Those would be OK, but he knew she'd need underwear too. And if he couldn't come up with something, she'd wear her rain-soaked ones which wouldn't help her get warm.

After tearing through every drawer and shelf in his room, he remembered the box he'd stashed in the garage.

Clothes in hand, Rick dashed down the steps through the kitchen out to the garage.

On the second highest shelf on the back wall, several boxes were neatly stacked. Two contained some of Alexis' toys that she'd kept at the beach house but had long outgrown. He secretly kept them in hopes that one day he'd have grandchildren who'd come and play with them. Another three boxes contained Christmas decorations. That left only one more. Rick retrieved it and took it back to the kitchen to see if it would be of any help.

When he lifted the lid, Rick couldn't help but inhale the sweet scent of Kate that wafted out. Last summer, after the break up, he'd gone around and boxed up the things she'd left behind. There wasn't much. For the most part, when they'd visited she'd packed for the trip and repacked to take it back. But over time a few things had found their home alongside his belongings.

Rick removed containers of each of her shampoo, conditioner, and favorite body lotion. Next there was a hairbrush, a dogeared copy of "To Kill A Mockingbird", a pair of sunglasses, and some gray Old Navy flip-flops. At the bottom of the box were a few scraps of cloth. Rick picked them up, fully aware of how his body was betraying him as his mind recalled images of Kate wearing them. The first was a turquoise and brown string bikini. The other, a sheer, black lace neglige.

His breath shallowed when he remembered the first time he saw the lingerie.

**Rick Castle: October 2010**

_The caterers and guests had left more than an hour earlier, and Alexis had only just walked out the door to spend the night with a friend. For the first time in three days, the house was quiet._

_Kate picked up their empty wine glasses and rinsed them in the sink. "You headed to bed?"_

_Rick undid the tie around his neck and began to unbutton his tuxedo shirt while he shuffled toward the stairs. "I was considering it. Now that Chet and Mother are happily married and all this wedding drama is over, I'm looking forward to some quality rest."_

_She wiped her hands on a towel, flipped off the light and joined him on the stairs._

_Kate snaked her arm around his waist and moved with him into their room._

_When they reached the foot of the bed, she turned to face him. He kissed her lips briefly before she rested her head on his shoulder. Her hand moved to his hips as she tugged his shirt from where it was tucked into his pants._

"_It was a beautiful ceremony." Kate stated absently as she continued to help him from his shirt._

_Rick caressed her back through the material of her dress. "It was. I can't believe that six weeks ago we didn't even know if Chet would be able to walk or talk again, if he even lived, and tonight he and Mother danced the night away, basking in newlywed glow."_

"_I couldn't be happier for them."_

"_I couldn't be happier that Mother's finally moved out of the loft."_

_Kate playfully smacked his chest. "Oh hush! I bet you'll miss her!"_

"_She moved across town not out of the country. I'm sure I'll live with it. Besides, now it means more alone time with you."_

"_Hmmmmm. I'm not sure if that even matters. Doesn't seem like you even remember what to do when we're alone anymore."_

"_It's been a long couple weeks. When was the last time that we were alone?"_

"_We're alone now."_

_Rick studied Kate's face. Her eyes darkened from hazel to almost brown while she looked at him from under long dark lashes. Maybe he wasn't quite as tired as he thought._

"_You're right we are. And I'd hate for rumors to start saying that I don't know what to do when I'm alone with an extraordinarily beautiful woman."_

_A teasing smirk flirted with him from the corner of her mouth and then she stepped back. He reached for her but she sidestepped him._

"_No, no! You're tired. You need your sleep." As to punctuate her statement, she unzipped her shimmery cranberry red dress and let it slip from her body leaving her only in a short, and completely see through black lace neglige._

_His breath was gone. He couldn't breathe and he couldn't swallow. She'd stupefied his body into stunned submission. Somehow she grew more beautiful to him each and every day._

_When his lungs begged for air, Rick found his thoughts again. "I don't need sleep right now Kate. I only need you. You're all I ever need."_

_Within moments Rick backed up his statement and showed Kate exactly how much he did need her. _

_They did finally get the rest they both craved late that night, but not until they were pleasantly satiated and basking in their own lover's glow. _

**Rick Castle: May 2012**

Rick quickly tossed all the items back in the box. She would be able to use the bikini as temporary undergarments, but he figured it was probably best if he just gave her the entire box.

When he knocked on the laundry room door, he expected her to reach out an arm, not open the door. She stood there wrapped in a towel that only covered her from chest to upper thigh, giving him a fair view of her willowy arms and impossibly long legs.

"What took so long?"

"Well its not like you still have clothes hanging in the closet. Here's a box of stuff you did leave. You might find that useful. And here's some dry clothes."

She took everything he handed her, placed the clothes on the washing machine and opened the box. When the lingerie practically fell out into her hands, he saw the recognition in her eyes which was followed by an instantaneous flushing of her cheeks.

She still remembered.

"Um, thanks." Kate stuttered before closing the door.

Rick ran his fingers backward through his damp hair then padded into the living room to sit on the couch. He was deeply conflicted. For nearly a year, he'd practiced what he would say to her given the chance, while at the same time hoping that maybe she'd come back to him. Now she was back, at least for the moment, and he still couldn't decide if he wanted to tell her off or try to sweep her off her feet and show her what she'd been missing.

Another loud crack of thunder rumbled overhead, shaking the windows in their frames. It masked the sound of Kate approaching.

He didn't know how long she stood there watching him rub his temples, but when he noticed her leaning against the doorway, wearing his clothes, he saw that she looked as confused as he felt.

He scooted back on the couch allowing her room to sit near him if she chose. He was a bit surprised when that was what she did, instead of sitting in the chair that would put more distance between them.

Another bright flash of lightning burst outside, but he felt as if it charged the air between them as well.

Rick felt that he had to seize the moment and be completely honest. He wasn't doing either of them any favors by tiptoeing around it, and for the moment her clothes were held captive by his dryer, preventing her escape.

"Kate, I have to be completely honest with you. I know there's probably better ways to handle this or maybe I should just keep it to myself and move on but... I can't. I've always tried to be open with you, and if there's any hope of us being on good terms again, I owe you the same now."

She watched him with an almost indiscernible nod.

Feeling like it was now or never, he plunged forward. "For a year now, I've been completely torn up over this," he waved his hand between them to indicate his point. "At first I was stunned. I was broken up when you said you were leaving me, but deep down I just thought it was the trauma, and that after a couple months you'd be back. Foolishly I waited, hurt, but not angry. But then I realized you really were gone and I was furious. I was mad at you for leaving and at myself for being such a fool to think it would still be OK. It ate at me every day and night. I missed you and longed for you and yet, at the same time, hoped I'd never see you again."

Kate was uncomfortable, he could see it in her eyes and her posture, but he went on.

After the Ryan's wedding I figured you were finally out of my life for good, and I began trying to move on, but the truth of the matter is, you've become a part of me Kate. I see you in everything I do, in who I am. I'm not the same man you walked up to at my book party years ago. I've grown with you and because of you. I'm so much more now."

Kate's lip trembled but she bit down on it to keep it in line. Lightning blazed through the window making her porcelain skin glow.

"Nothing could have prepared me for you coming back into my life this weekend, but now that you're here, I can't let this opportunity go. I can't let you walk away again without a fight. It took a year away from you to make me realize that..."

Deafening thunder cut him off, and the lights momentarily blinked. The pause didn't break his stride though.

"Kate, I know you may not want to hear this, but..."

Simultaneous thunder and lightning collided with the earth, plunging them into sudden dark.

"...I love you."

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**A/N: Thanks for being patient. I know its later than I hoped to post this, but maybe I can make up for it throughout the week and post and extra chap or two. Between being insanely busy and not feeling well, time just slipped away.**

**As always, thank you for all your amazing support, feedback and encouragement. None of you have been shy with your compliments, and they always mean so much to me. I read each and every one, and I would love to respond to each of you personally but since I can't right now, I DO want you to know that its not just platitudes and manners when I thank you here in the author's notes. It's 100% sincere, and if you don't believe me, there are a handful of lovely ladies over at the 12th who could vouch for me. (Chicago 6: Love you girls, even if you did make me cry!) I do this because I love Castle, and I love to write, not for high hit counts or gobs of reviews. I'm here for the story. So to each of you who read these fics... I love you and thank you from the bottom of my heart!**

**Now, back to the story... I hope you enjoyed this chap, and maybe were even surprised but where I ended it. I hope to have another chapter up tomorrow, so you don't have to wait too long to see Kate's reaction.**

**Until then, happy reading! Have a great day!  
**

**DeBo81  
**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Kate Beckett: May 2012**

Kate was dumbstruck. With Rick dropping his bomb of a confession at the exact moment the power went out was surreal. She even pinched herself to make sure it wasn't a dream.

Maybe she hadn't heard him right. After all they'd been together for a year and had NEVER used the  
"L word". Why would he say it now, when they were broken up? She must have heard him wrong; the thunder had been awfully loud.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

His hand found hers, resting on her knee, in the dark.

"I said I love you." The lightning lit up the whole room as he spoke, allowing her to see his earnest face. "I think I always have, I just didn't know it until you were gone."

Blood rushed to Kate's head, pounding in her ears and making her heart race. The storm raging inside her head and heart almost drowned out the cacophony of the storm blowing outside.

Her mouth grew dry and her head felt light.

Why did he have to do this? Couldn't they just try to regain their friendship? How could they do that now with this on the table?

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"You haven't said anything."

Not being able to see him enhanced how she heard him. She could hear his fear and hesitation. He'd just laid his heart in her hands and was waiting to see what she'd do with it. Sympathy for him melted some of her numbness.

"I um, I'm not sure what to say Rick. I... I... had no idea," Kate spoke carefully.

Bursts of electric blue light pulsed through the windows, heightening the charged feeling in the room.

"I'm sorry."

"No don't be. If that's how you feel, I guess it's good that we're both aware of the depth of the situation."

Rick's hand tightened around hers. "That's not what I meant. I'm not sorry I told you, and I'm certainly not sorry that I love you...even if you don't feel the same way. I'm just sorry that we were together for a year, and I didn't show you or even acknowledge it to myself."

"Rick, you were always loving."

"There's a difference between being loving toward someone and loving them."

Something deep inside of Kate felt like a wall crumbling. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I just needed you to know. What you do with that is up to you."

How was it possible to feel your heart swelling and breaking all at the same time?

"Rick, I ended things because I didn't want you to get hurt because of me, but I guess I underestimated how much I'd be hurting you in the process. Yes, part of the reasoning behind that was probably personal fear and self protection, but you have to believe me when I tell you, at the core of it all, I did it for you... and your family. I cared enough to make the hard decision and do what I thought was right."

"If that's truth, that sounds like more than caring."

The word "love" bounced around in Kate's head, haunting her with its depth of meaning. Did she really love Rick? She'd thought she'd been in love other times in her life, but that had never felt like what they had.

"I think I need to go. I need to be alone right now."

"Your clothes are still wet."

"They've been in the dryer for a while."

"The power is out... the dryer isn't on. Which reminds me, I should light some candles. If you need your space, I'll give it to you, but please don't leave."

Rick left her on the couch while he lit a half dozen candles in the kitchen. He placed them around on various surfaces until the room took on a warm glow. Then he took the last candle and headed into the study just off the main room.

Kate stood up from the couch and moved to the large picture windows looking out to the ocean. The storm continued to batter the house, and when the sky lit up as bright as day, she could see that the ocean was as churned up as her insides.

Twenty four hours ago she was talking to Alexis on the phone, preparing herself to look for a man that for three hundred and sixty five days, she'd tried to forget so that she could heal. Now she was in his home, in his clothes, and apparently still in his heart.

In the soft candlelight, Kate could see her reflection in the window, but she didn't even recognize herself. She was thin almost to the point of gaunt, she had dark circles under her eyes and a defeated posture she hadn't noticed in herself since she was nineteen. When had this happened?

But she knew the answer. If she was very honest, she'd barely looked at herself in the mirror since the shooting. She didn't like what she saw in the reflection. She'd hoped that perhaps if she didn't see the scars, both physical and emotional, maybe they'd eventually just fade away.

Without consciously thinking about it, Kate tugged down the front of Rick's superhero shirt she was wearing until she could see the scar between her breasts. Although by definition it was healed, the puckered, red flesh just taunted her, reminding her of what was and what could have been.

She touched the bullet hole and felt the indentation. Even though it wasn't really more than a shallow dent anymore, it felt to her as if she could simply reach in and touch her heart; its steady rhythm beating just beyond her fingertips.

She could have died that day. Perhaps she should have, if it meant an end to all the death surrounding her mom's case.

Kate shook her head, to clear her thoughts. No, she knew better than that, if the bullet had truly met its mark, she would just be another senseless death, another victory for the evil of the world. That's why she fought back through the physical therapy and psych evaluations to get back to the 12th as quickly as possible. She had to cope the only way she knew how, by being a voice for the dead, an advocate for the victims and by doing everything she could to remove one criminal at a time from the streets.

She's sworn to protect the people and uphold the law and she took that oath seriously. She lived by it. She survived by it. She knew that her job might require her one day to lay down her life to protect a complete stranger, yet she would go even further for someone she cared about. And outside of her father, there was no one she wanted to protect more than Rick, because she loved him that much.

Realization pushed through her mind. She loved him.

She loved Rick.

How had she never been able to recognize that before?

Kate looked back over the years they'd known each other, worked together, played together. How they'd grown closer and moved from acquaintances to friends, to partners to lovers. She couldn't place an instance when it changed for her. When did the love creep in? Had it always been there?

They'd always been great together, even before she'd been willing to admit it. And before the break up, during all the bickering and bad feelings, she never thought of life without Rick, not until she was shot. Up until then, they were just going through a rough spot.

Maybe falling in love wasn't an ah-ha moment. Maybe it was more gradual; slowly growing until you just couldn't remember life before it.

But that couldn't be true either, because she remembered life before Rick, it was... well there was...

Hmmm, that was strange. She could remember moments of life before him but it seemed exceptionally distant. Even though he'd only been in her life for four years, it seemed like he'd always been there... until she pushed him away.

Kate hugged her arms around herself and leaned against the glass. She might not be able to pinpoint when Rick made his way into her heart, but she could pinpoint the moment her decision to break things off with him first swung from feeling painfully justified to heart wrenching guilty.

**Kate Beckett: September 2011**

_For three months Kate had escaped life as much as possible while she recovered, but now she was back in the saddle. She'd returned home from her father's cabin and had gone back to work._

_She hadn't been prepared for how difficult that transition would actually be._

_Her doctor warned her about the possible affects of PTSD but she thought she was stronger than that. She was wrong. The few weeks back on the force were full of moments that she wasn't ready for. She dreaded going out on call, and could barely handle her piece without her hand trembling._

_She tried to hide it, so that she wouldn't be put back on leave, but the boys noticed. They always took point now when in the field and never left her alone for more than a second or two. It was almost as if one of them was the senior officer and she was just the rookie of the team._

_Ryan always had a sympathetic smile for her, but never coddled her with pity. Espo shared some of his own experiences with PTSD, and actually understood in a way that she hadn't found with others. He pushed her to face her fears and not to let them control her. She appreciated the brotherly support and quietly let them know._

_Unfortunately there was more going on than dealing with recent trauma. There was a distinct void in her life... and in the chair next to her desk that they just couldn't fill._

_Kate hadn't allowed herself to cry over Rick since the day at the hospital when she told him goodbye, but today she couldn't fight them off._

_After a particularly hard day at work, Kate took a walk to unwind, which ultimately led her to her favorite bookstore. In the front window was a large display featuring Rick's latest book, Heat Rises._

_Her feet led her of their own accord, into the store until she was at a table full of colorful books._

_Kate picked one up and flipped open the cover. For the first time since Rick began the Nikki Heat series, the book wasn't dedicated to her. But that was fine, it was made out to Captain Montgomery instead. It moved her to see the inscription, which she knew was only a shadow of what Rick felt for the man they'd all looked up to._

_That was the first time that day the tears threatened to fall. Moving quickly before they could spill, Kate took the the book to the cash register and paid for the novel._

_When the young cashier saw the name on her credit card, he looked up and smiled. "Hey aren't you Nikki Heat?"_

_The question caused more than one head to turn her way._

"_No, you must be mistaken," she mumbled before grabbing her purchase and leaving._

_When she arrived home, Kate neglected her rumbling stomach and pounding head so that she could curl up on the couch and greedily devour the pages in her hands._

_It was the middle of the night by the time she closed the book. Rick had made a lot of changes from the last time he'd shared his rough drafts with her. Many she could specifically determine why._

_Between Montgomery's death and their break up, subtext dripped off the pages and into her heart. Not another soul on earth would read this book in the same way she did. No one would read the concealed theme of pain and betrayal and offered forgiveness like she did. But she knew._

_What had she done?_

_In a moment of what she felt was weakness, Kate let it all out, in ugly, sobbing tears. All the pain, all the fear, all of the sick, soul-crushing loneliness came to the surface and bubbled over until she had absolutely nothing left._

_What was done was done. Maybe in another place and time things could be different, but not in this lifetime. She had reached the bottom and only had two options that she could see. Either wallow in self pity until she withered away or pull herself up by the bootstraps and move forward. It didn't take long for her to know what she'd have to do. She was Kate Beckett. She was a survivor. She would move on, no matter the cost._

**Kate Beckett: May 2012**

Now Kate couldn't help but wonder if she'd been stupid, blind or naive. Not once had she thought that maybe she'd been in the wrong. She never considered going back to Rick and talking to him about everything. She'd always just muddled through on her own, it was what she was used to. It was what she knew. But now she could see it in a new light.

Kate turned away from the window so that she could look into the study. The candle on Rick's desk revealed his silhouette. Much like she had been, Rick was watching the storm outside.

Was it too late? Had too much damage been done to their relationship to repair it? Was she too damaged to even have a relationship with someone? Did she even want to be in a relationship? Wasn't that the main reason she pulled away in the first place? To protect him from her damaged life and all the risks that came with it? Even knowing now that she loved him, she didn't know if she'd ever be able to act on it.

As if he could feel her eyes on him, he tipped his head and caught her stare.

Nervous heat pooled in her stomach and spread to her limbs. It made her feel alive, and that was something she hadn't felt in way too long.

Her heart thudded in her chest, practically begging her to go to him. Her misgivings kept her in place. He apparently had no such misgivings though, because he started toward her.

When he was only a foot or so away, he stopped and stared. She could feel the air between them heat up at their close proximity, but it got even warmer when she caught his eyes quickly sweep over her like a stolen caress.

"I've missed that look," he whispered.

"What look?" She asked self consciously.

"The one that tells me you need me."

She swallowed hard. It was a brazen thing to say, even if it was true.

"We need time to talk and work things out Rick. Too much has happened. I can't just pretend that nothing happened and we can go back to the way things used to be."

"I'm not asking you to."

Kate swiped her hair back from her face. "I need you to tell me what you expect."

His eyebrow quirked up.

"I don't mean right now, but down the road. What are you looking for? Because I don't know what I have to give."

He frowned, but not in a negative way. She could tell that he was thinking carefully about how to answer.

"Right now... I just want to be your friend."

"Is that going to be enough?

"I don't know. But its enough for now."

His tender honesty tugged again at her heart.

"Rick you just told me you loved me. Are you going to be happy with friendship if that's all I can give back?"

"If that's really all you have to give, then that's what I'll take and I won't ask for more."

"And what if we decided to move forward... could you forgive me for being such a complete ass?"

"Is that an apology?"

Kate shifted from one foot to another.

"No its not..."

Rick's face fell ever so slightly, but with the shadows accentuating the panes of his face, it was easy to spot.

"... but this is. I am sorry for how I handled things last year. I wanted what was best for you and Alexis and I couldn't see how staying together would be good for either of you. But I was scared for myself too and I knew if I talked to you about it, you would try to talk me out of leaving, so I charged ahead trying to regain some control in my life, only to have it continue to crumble all around me. I told myself you'd rebound , and eventually see that I was right, but that was stupid and selfish. Even if I needed some time apart, I should have handled it completely different. Believe me when I tell you. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know and I accept your apology. Now will you accept mine?"

Kate looked surprised. "What do you need to apologize for?"

"For my accusations earlier. And for all the anger I directed at you these last months. You may not have known about it, but believe me when I say that I'm sorry. There were two people in the relationship and two people at fault. I didn't handle things well either. I could have come to you, or at least tried harder to understand your side instead of just falling into the pool of animosity that I seemed to live in at times. I went from hurt to bitter, and in doing so, absolved myself of all blame. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course I can. I can't blame you for feeling that way. You had good reason to. Sooooo... friends?"

Rick gave her a half smile and stretched out his hand. She took it and shook it while trying to suppress the excited tingling that stemmed from where their skin met.

"Now what?" he asked, hopeful playfulness dancing in his eyes.

"I don't know." Kate answered truthfully.

"I seam to remember you loving to watch storms. Would you like to go up to the balcony and enjoy this lovely weather?"

Kate remembered exactly what happened after the first time they did that. And from the way Rick's eyes had dilated, he did too.

Before she could answer, he continued. "Don't worry, Ma'am. I am a complete gentleman. Your virtue is safe with me. I wouldn't be a very good friend if it wasn't."

A bubble of laughter erupted from deep inside of her. Maybe they could do this after all.

Kate nodded and linked her arm in his. After blowing out a couple candles and taking a couple more with them, they made their way upstairs.

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**A/N: See, I said I'd make it up to you for being late. Back to back posting days for the win! and there will be another chapter or two in the coming days, so keep an eye out for that! **

**Just so you know, we are over half way through with this story, and If I post a couple more times this week, and a few times next week, "Back To You" will be complete BEFORE the season finale airs!**

**Have a good day and I'll see you again soon!**

**Happy Reading!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**Rick Castle: May 2012**

Rick's heart pounded like a bass drum in his chest, but at the same time he hadn't felt this free and light in ages.

He and Kate were together again, or at least were friends again. He hadn't figured that would ever be a reality again.

Not only that, but he finally accepted that what he felt for her was love. And when he told her, she didn't run. She may not feel the same way, at least not yet, but she didn't run, and that was a good thing. A very good thing. It gave him hope that maybe given time, she might feel the same way one day.

But he was getting ahead of himself. Right now he just needed to focus on the here and now. Kate was here with him and willing to spend time with him, and he wanted to soak that up.

Together they walked through his master suite toward the large double doors leading to the balcony. The storm didn't seem to be lessening any, so they'd get quite the show.

When he opened the door, the candles they were carrying began to dance and flicker in the breeze. The wind had picked up, and though the majority of the balcony was covered and partially sheltered, the occasional gust reached in to them with enough force that it whipped at their clothes and rattled the shutters.

Rick slipped his arm from Kate's and handed her the candle he was carrying. "Here, I'm gonna grab the little table and put it just inside so that we can put these down without them being blown out."

After the candles were set and the pair of patio chairs pulled back as close to the house as possible, they made themselves comfortable to watch nature in action.

For the most part, time passed by in comfortable silence. Once when lightning struck very close by, Kate and Rick both jumped, which made them laugh.

When a loud pinging came across the roof, Rick turned to his "friend", "What the hell?".

A second later he had his answer. Large hailstones pelted the house. One that was almost as big as a golf ball landed at the foot of his chair and rolled away over the edge.

"Did you see that? I've never seen hail so big in my life!" Kate exclaimed as she sat forward to see better.

Neither had Rick. He stood and walked out from under the protection of the overhanging eaves, trying to collect some of the giant ice pellets.

Several hit him, which hurt more than he expected, but until he had a couple to bring back to Kate, he stayed where he was at. While bending to pick up a particularly jagged specimen, another gale force wind gust whipped around the corner, pushing him against the side wall. A funny sounding rattle drew his attention just as he heard Kate yell his name over the roar of the storm.

He stood back up to see what she needed, only to feel something hit his head, causing intense pain.

Rick blinked once and then again before everything went completely black.

**Rick Castle: Moments from the Past**

_Rick shifted uncomfortably in his first class seat. He'd been staring at the screen of his laptop for almost the entire cross country flight and had nothing to show for it. When it came to Derrick Storm, he was no longer challenged or fascinated by him. The beloved character felt more like an old friend who'd grown apart from him, rather than the hero-like buddy he loved to take on adventures. _

_Rick realized, not with a heavy heart, but with confident resolve, that it was time to part ways with his literary companion. So after taking a moment to both prepare for the goodbye he had to write, and also to open his mind to the possibilities beyond, he typed out the beginning of the end in just two words... "Storm Fall"._

_Strangely, it didn't feel like the end, although he knew it should. Instead, as he dove into the first chapter, Rick felt for some indescribable reason, that he was about to begin something bigger, something better, something he couldn't wait to find._

_XXXXXXXXXX_

_Rick sensed her presence before he heard or saw her. He knew she was savvy and that he wouldn't have long to examine the evidence he'd "borrowed", but she arrived at least a good half hour earlier than his best estimate. _

"_Richard Castle, you are under arrest for felony theft and obstruction of justice!" Detective Beckett called out as she strode across the library toward him._

_He chuckled. She really was something wasn't she? Smart, sexy, determined and not easily charmed. These were striking differences from the women he usually met. He was intrigued. Maybe he could convince her to have dinner with him. _

_Kate's green eyes flashed at him. Even as she arrested him, he couldn't suppress the thrill she evoked in him. It made him feel alive. She may not be impressed with him yet, but maybe with some time he could bring her around._

_XXXXXXXXXX_

_Together with Agent Sorenson, he and Kate approached the small play area. His eyes landed on the tiny girl playing quietly, and relief flooded him. Always the father, this case hit just a little too close to home. Thank God, Rick never knew the trauma of having his child abducted, but he could imagine the anguish and sympathized with any parent who lost their child, even temporarily._

_Knowing that the toddler was safe and well, choked him up and made him want to go home and hug Alexis again._

_Giving the authorities their space, Rick watched from a distance as Kate picked up the little girl who accepted her with open arms. Like so many other things, nurturing seemed to come naturally to the tough exteriored cop._

_Parenthood was the greatest thing he'd ever experienced, but he knew after dealing with Meredith for so long, that it wasn't for everyone. Kate though, dripped with maternal love, even if she didn't see it herself. He hoped that one day she'd get the chance to be the mother he knew she would be, firm but loving, concerned yet supportive, fiercely protective but never inhibiting her child._

_As Kate walked to the squad with little Angela snuggled against her chest, he couldn't help but imagine what Kate's little girl would be like if she ever had one. She'd be a firecracker for certain, who was both stubborn and sassy. She'd be smart as a whip, have a heart of gold and a sharp sense of humor. She would defend those who couldn't defend themselves and always try to do the right thing. She'd bite her lip when she was thinking and smile from behind long coppery brown hair, with her flashing, ice blue eyes._

_Thinking about the potential of Kate's future child having ginger hair and blue eyes, made him think of Alexis, but Kate's child wouldn't look like his daughter, unless..._

_No that was ridiculous. _

_Or was it?_

_XXXXXXXXXX_

_Rick raced toward Beckett's apartment, first by cab and then on foot, but "as fast as possible" wasn't fast enough. Over and over he called her phone, hanging up to hit redial every time the voice mail picked up._

_Just as her building came into view, she finally answered. "What Castle?"_

"_It wasn't Ben Conrad! He's not the killer! The killer's still alive! The killer's still alive!"_

_Something in the background came across the line. He didn't know what it was but he knew it couldn't be good._

"_Kaaaaaate!"_

_As he skidded to a stop only yards from her place, a huge fireball exploded from the floor where her apartment was located; making him duck away from the blast._

_As he looked up to her windows engulfed in flames, tears came to his eyes, and the need to vomit almost overcame him. Kate was in there, and most likely dead._

_Long seconds passed as he numbly stumbled forward. Only when he saw people evacuating the building did he realize he had to move._

_Running against the crowd, he pushed past people who tried to keep him back. He would not be dissuaded._

_When he reached her door, it was locked, but that was of no consequence. Adrenaline gave him the strength of three men, and after only two kicks, it fell away._

_Over and over Rick called for her, listening for any signs of life. Then, as if he was experiencing a miracle, over the roar of the fire, the beep of smoke detectors, the crack of crumbling wood, and the distant scream of sirens, he heard it... a soft wheezing cough. It wasn't loud, but it was hers. _

_He raced in the direction of the coughing only to find Kate, completely naked, trying to sit up in her giant claw-footed tub. _

_Despite the severity of the situation, he couldn't help put point out her lack of clothes, to which she immediately scolded him. It was music to his ears._

_Once he had her wrapped in his jacket, they slowly shuffled through the burning debris toward the exit._

_Their conversation was laced with all their usual banter, but this time it was also dripping with grateful subtext that in the grand scheme, they were OK._

_As they made their way down the stairs, he told her about how he figured out she was in danger and came to her rescue. As he talked, the enormity of what could have happened hit him full on, causing several choked up tears to fall. Thankfully she never noticed them through the cold spray of the sprinklers hitting his face as they went._

**Rick Castle: May 2012**

When Rick started to come to, the first thing he became aware of was the cold sting of the sprinklers all over his skin... or was that rain? The second thing he noticed, was Kate leaning over him whispering in a panicked voice.

"Wake up Rick. You have to stay with me. You can't tell me you love me and then do this. I need you. Please wake up."

He wanted to open his eyes and comfort her, but his body didn't seem to be responding like it should. The side of his head was killing him. He tried to shift, but even slight movement had him seeing stars.

"That's it Rick, wake up," she coaxed.

Again he tried to respond. This time he was able to blink several times before clamping his eyes shut.

On his next attempt, he finally was able to open his eyes all the way, but couldn't see much in the dark. A bolt of lightning flashed overhead. The sudden light and his aching head combined into instant nausea.

Thankfully, Kate acted fast and helped him roll to his side so that when he retched, he didn't choke and it was onto the patio and not over them.

When he was done, she used one hand to wipe his mouth with the bottom of the shirt she was wearing, while keeping the other hand pressed to his skull.

"What happened?" He asked with a slight slur.

"The bathroom shutter blew off the house and the corner of it hit you in the head. You were out for a few minutes."

Rick attempted to sit up, but she pressed him back to the ground. "Stay still. The paramedics are on their way."

"I don't need the paramedics. I'm fine. A couple ice packs and some asprin and I'll be OK."

The sky lit up again in time to see the seriousness of her face. Was that blood on her cheek?

"Kate, are you OK? I think your cheek is bleeding."

She used the back of her hand to wipe at her face. "I'm fine. It's not my blood. Now stay still, but keep talking to me. You scared the hell out of me."

The next twenty minutes passed in a blur. The EMTs arrived and began to examine him. After getting some vitals, they strapped him to the backboard, hoisted him to a gurney and wheeled him to the ambulance waiting in the street with flashing lights.

When Kate climbed in next to him and rested her hand on his knee, he almost relaxed.

The light inside the truck gave him a better picture of his injury, Kate was definitely concerned, and by the amount of blood on her shirt, he understood why. The EMTs continually asked him questions to check his mental clarity, while they bandaged him and applied pressure and ice.

When they arrived at the hospital, there was another blur of activity. His nausea returned almost the second he was wheeled past the sliding doors. Kate had not been allowed to follow him, so this time when he got sick, instead of having his own personal Florence Nightengale to help, it was a woman who he mentally dubbed Nurse Ratched. She was neither kind nor gentle about the event, like Kate had been, and no where near as attractive.

By the time he did get to see Kate again, he'd been cleaned, stitched and scanned.

"Rick?" she called softly through the curtain partition.

"In here."

The curtain parted and Kate, wearing pink scrubs, entered.

"Wow. You look great in scrubs. Did you ever consider being a doctor?"

"Lawyer? Yes. Doctor? No," she answered as she came to his bedside.

"How about a nurse? Maybe a naughty one?"

She leveled him with a look that advised him to shut up while he was still ahead. "I'll chalk that up to the head injury, but I suggest you think before talking again. You already have six stitches and a concussion. I'd hate to have to give you another one."

He chuckled. The sassy banter that they used to toss back back and forth each day was back.

"Hey, how do you know I've got a concussion? They haven't even told me any results yet."

"They haven't?"

"No."

"Oh. Well the nurse who had mercy on me and gave me these scrubs told me when she came out and got me."

"Well so much for patient confidentiality."

Kate squirmed awkwardly.

"What? Did you pull the cop card to get the juicy details?"

"No."

"Then why do you look so guilty?"

Kate bit her lip and dropped her eyes to something on the floor. "They um, may have assumed we're married, and maybe I didn't correct them."

When he didn't say anything, she brought her gaze back up to his eyes. If she didn't seem so embarrassed, he would have assumed he didn't hear her correctly.

A chuckle escaped from his lips, to be quickly chased by a full fledged belly laugh. This only increased the crimson flush tinging her cheeks.

"Well in that case, Dear!" he said with deliberate emphasis. "I think you need to come here and give your husband a kiss. He's had a rough night."

When her countenance quickly evolved from mortified to irritated, he gave her his best puppy dog eyes and little boy pout. "I didn't mean like that." He pointed to the bandages covering his stitches. "Right here. You know... to make it better."

"They think I'm your wife, not your mother."

"Well if you'd prefer to kiss me somewhere else, that could be arranged too. I just thought that if anything could make my head feel better it would be you."

She didn't move or make any type of response.

Why did he say these things? Why didn't he just learn to keep his foot out of his mouth for once? Why didn't he just... what was she doing? Why was she coming closer?

Rick closed his eyes in preparation of the possible slap he probably deserved.

When nothing happened, he slowly peeked through his nearly closed lids.

Kate was standing as close to him as she could and leaned toward his injured temple. When she kissed his head, he didn't feel much through the thick gauze, but it didn't matter. She'd actually kissed him.

"Any better?" Kate whispered.

His voice croaked. " A bit."

She kissed him again in the same place. "And now?"

"Better still."

"Good. I'm glad I could help."

Their eyes locked. Rick felt dizzy. He watched as her eyes flicked down to his lips and then back.

Kate moved her hand so that it covered his.

She formed her lips to say something more, but the attending doctor pulled pack the curtain, sufficiently breaking the spell.

"Ahhhh Mr. and Mrs. Castle. I've got great news. We've got all the test results back and everything looks good. Outside of the head laceration, the only other concern I have is that you have a decent concussion. This means you'll probably have a nasty headache for a few days and may experience some dizziness or nausea, confusion, tinnitus, blurred vision, or other mild symptoms for a week or two but nothing scary. No brain bleeds or clots. No breaks in the skull. This being said, I don't want you just walking out of here and trying to resume normal activity as if nothing happened. It's still a brain injury. So get plenty of rest," the doctor turned to Kate, "but for the first forty-eight hours, don't let him sleep for more than two hours at a time without waking him for at least a fifteen minutes." He resumed talking to Rick. "Also you shouldn't be alone for at least three days. No driving, lifting or strenuous exercise, including sexual activity for one week. You'll need to make a follow up appointment with your primary care physician before the week is out, and of course call or come back in if you notice any changes or concerning symptoms like loss of memory or mobility, pain that doesn't dull with Tylenol or Advil, numbness or swelling. Any questions?"

Within the hour, Rick was released, and they were headed back to the house via taxi.

"Looks like you're stuck with me for a couple more days. I'm gonna have to call in and clear a couple more days off, but that should be OK. And I need to scrounge up some more clothes somewhere, but I don't need much."

"Kate, I appreciate what you're offering, I really do, but you don't have to stay and babysit me. I'll be OK."

"The doctor said you shouldn't be alone."

They have to say that stuff to cover their asses. I feel fine."

Kate grabbed something from her purse and before he knew what was happening, she was shining a key-chain flashlight in his eyes.

"Ooh ow! What are you doing?"

"Making a point. This flashlight is barely bright enough to read by, and its practically got you in the fetal position. You are not well right now. So yes, I'm going to stay and take care of you." Her eyes were openly concerned. "Its what friends do."

Her words from when he was regaining consciousness came back to him. "Wake up Rick. You have to stay with me. You can't tell me you love me and then do this. I need you. Please wake up."

He wanted nothing more than to repeat those words back to her and ask if that was what "friends" said to each other; but for once, wisdom prevailed. Instead of speaking, he just thanked her and closed his eyes. Within minutes he was sound asleep on her shoulder.

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**A/N: Well that's three days in a row. Thankfully these chapters were already written and haven't required a ton of editing, or this wouldn't be possible. I_ hope_ to have one more chapter out this week, either tomorrow or Saturday, but I can't promise, cuz Saturday is my birthday and we have a bunch of stuff going on. But either way, look for another one for sure on Monday before "Undead Again".**

**OK, if I don't see you again, have a great weekend! And I'll see you next week, to finish this bad boy up!**

**Thanks for all the feedback and tweets!  
**

**Happy Reading!**

**DeBo81**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Kate Beckett: December 2010**

_Kate knew that Christmas with Castle would be an experience; she just didn't expect it to leave her so emotionally drained._

_Early in December their first conversation about holiday plans revealed that Alexis would be with her mom over Christmas break, so the family would decorate and do gifts the same night that school got out, almost a week before the actual holiday. Rick invited Kate, just in case she didn't realize she had a standing invitation, which she accepted. Then he asked if she had plans with her dad or anyone else. _

_She told him she and her dad would go out to eat on the twenty-third because she had to work Christmas and Christmas Eve, but then had a week off, which led to conversations about gifts and trips and New Years Eve. By the time they went to bed, Rick had convinced her that instead of doing gifts for each other, that they should just take a vacation. _

_So after tossing around an entire globe of suggestions they agreed that they didn't want to waste their entire week traveling, or being tourists. And as tempting as suntans and tropical beaches sounded, it wasn't very Christmasy._

_That was how they ended up flying in a private jet to upstate Vermont where they stayed at a secluded cabin owned by one of Rick's friends._

_The first night Rick spent so much time quoting White Christmas, that they ended up watching the classic while snuggled up in bed. _

_The next day it snowed, and they found themselves playing like children in the wonderland of white. They each made a snow fort complete with snow men to stand as sentries in front of the crisp white ramparts. Then with an arsenal of snowballs, they battled until they were sore from laughter and the icy chill creeping up their fingers._

_That evening, while making a dinner of chili and cornbread, the heat that turned up in the kitchen had nothing to do with the stove. It was only a minor miracle that none of the food burned while it was forgotten._

_By the last day, Kate and Rick had spent many hours laughing, dancing, loving and playing, but they'd also had serious talks, shed a stray tear or two and comforted each other when the mood turned heavier. _

_When they'd finished packing to return to the city, Rick looked at his watch and decided that they had plenty of time before they needed to drive back to the small airport an hour away._

"_Its snowing again. Do you want to take a walk and enjoy the beauty one last time?"_

_Kate happily agreed and fetched her coat._

_Hand in hand, the couple walked through the woods, skirting the large lake that backed onto the property._

_When they discovered a small waterfall that was entirely frozen over, they stopped to admire the view._

"_I've never seen anything so beautiful in my life." Kate breathed._

"_Me either."_

_Rick's whisper was close enough so that his breath warmed her ear. With only a slight turn of her head, she knew he wasn't looking at the view in front of them._

_Butterflies danced in her belly._

_Rick came a bit closer and wrapped his arms around her so that he could press the front of his body against the back of hers._

_They'd been in many romantic situations before, but for some reason this one seamed different. She wasn't sure why, but she was so curious and excited, she almost forgot to breathe._

"_Is it just me or has this week been... magical?"_

"_It has, hasn't it?" she sighed._

_Rick tipped his face forward a bit so that he could maybe see her face. "Did Katherine Beckett just admit to believing in magic?"_

_Kate leaned her head against his. "I didn't say that. Magic is all about trickery and illusion. Its fun, but still a deception. I do think that something can feel magical though, when its the right combination of whimsical fun and unexpected delight."_

"_So you're saying you didn't think you'd have fun with me?" Rick teased._

"_Yes, that's exactly what I meant," Kate retorted full of sarcasm._

"_Well at least you weren't disappointed... I mean with such low expectations and all!."_

_Kate turned in his arms so that they stood nose to nose. "Shut up and kiss me Rick."_

_Never being one to argue with a pretty lady, he complied, and with such vigor that they were both a little breathless when they parted._

_Rick reached up and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, and then tugged her red knit hat down to keep it in place. Then his eyes met hers and locked._

_Again the butterflies in her gut awoke. _

"_Kate, I... I love..." He paused and her eyes widened. Her world rocked a little as she anxiously waited for him to finish his statement. "... I love being with you so much. Thank you for coming up here with me."_

_Kate stuttered. That wasn't what she expected him to say, but she wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed._

"_Um... I love being with you too Rick. Thank you for inviting me."_

_Still reeling from the shock of something that didn't even happen, Kate missed the fact that Rick removed one hand from her hips and dug it into his coat pocket._

"_I know we agreed not to buy each other any gifts for Christmas, but its not Christmas anymore, and I just had to get you something special, so I hope you'll except this."_

_Rick withdrew a long Tiffany-blue box tied with white ribbon. It was clearly too big to be a ring box, but between the emotional jolt of Rick's misleading confession and the realization that he was surprising her with jewelry, it took her a moment to digest that fact._

_Kate was stunned to say the least and made no effort to accept the gift._

"_Please?"_

_Pulling her senses back together, she nodded and removed her gloves so that she could open the box._

_Inside was a beautiful white gold chain holding two round diamonds that nestled a round emerald between them._

"_Rick, I can't take this."_

"_Yes you can, its a gift. You'll wound me deeply if you don't."_

"_But its too much."_

"_No its not. I knew you'd say that, though, which is why I didn't get the one that I originally picked. It had a couple more stones on it."_

"_You shouldn't have."_

"_Yes I should. You deserve to be spoiled once in a while."_

_Kate just stood there staring at the beautiful jewelry._

"_May I?" he asked, even as he removed the necklace from its soft nest._

_A few moments later Kate's jacket was open and she was wearing the piece._

"_It brings out the green in your eyes, just like the candles do when we make love."_

_Heat rose to her cheeks. She was utterly overwhelmed. "Thank you Rick. I love it."_

"_I'm so glad, because it really suits you."_

_They kissed for so long that when they pulled apart, snow had begun to collect on their hats and shoulders._

"_We should probably get going." Kate said with a hint of disappointment. She really didn't want to let the moment, or the week for that matter, end._

_The entire trip back to New York, Kate pondered what she would have done if Rick really had given her a ring or even said those three little words. She knew she wasn't ready for marriage, but at the same time she didn't know if she could reject him either. Would he have accepted that she needed more time? Kate was pretty sure he would. But what if it wasn't that bold of a step? What if he'd told her he loved her... like she suspected that he almost had? Could she have honestly said it in return? She knew she cared for Rick, and loved being with him? But was there more?_

**Kate Beckett: May 2012**

After getting Rick settled in bed, Kate headed to the one local store she knew would be open on Sunday morning. She'd be able to pick up some food, fill Rick's prescriptions and maybe even find some clothes to wear, since she was pretty sure that her other clothes never dried before they lost power. And since she'd be around for a few more days, she definitely needed a few things.

When she'd called into work claiming a family matter that required her, Gates had told her to take whatever personal time she needed, as long as she was back the following week. Kate knew she had the time to use, but was a little surprised by the Captain's generosity in letting her take so much on such short notice.

Now she just needed to text her dad and Lanie each a cryptic message so that they didn't worry about her, but also didn't suspect where she was. But that could wait until she got back to the house.

While she drove and even while she shopped, Kate couldn't stop thinking about Rick, his health, and all that had happened, but mostly about his confession of love. Even with her own realization, she couldn't quite wrap her mind around it all. In less than three days they'd gone from embittered ex-lovers, to friends, to...? What were they? Friends aren't in love with each other, but could they get past the last year and just dive back into a relationship?

A part of Kate wanted to tell Rick that she felt the same way he did, especially after the scare of him getting injured. But she knew that if she was honest, the floodgates would open and she didn't know if she was ready for that.

She was no clearer in her thoughts, even when she left the store an hour later with two bags of groceries, some soft ice packs, a small pharmaceutical bag of medication and another bag containing a pair of shorts, a sundress, two tops, a bra, and some panties. She wouldn't be making any New York City best dressed list, but at least she'd be clean and comfortable.

When she arrived back at the house, she found Rick awake, sitting up in bed and on the phone with Alexis.

"Yes honey, I'm fine. No please don't cancel your internship and come home. I'm fine. I arranged to have a friend stay with me for a couple days until I'm back on my feet."

Kate leaned against the door frame, openly listening to the conversation while she waited to speak to Rick.

"Um, who?" Rick questioned Kate with his eyes. They hadn't talked about what they were going to tell people.

Kate shrugged and then nodded. Even if their relationship... or whatever it was wasn't public knowledge, Alexis deserved to know.

"Its uh, Kate."

Silent seconds ticked by while Rick listened to his daughter.

"Yeah, we're trying the friendship thing again."

Pause.

"Yes, I understand, thank you. I appreciate your concern, but I'm the parent here. I think I can handle my own affairs."

Another long silence. Kate grew uncomfortable and turned to leave the room, but not before she heard Rick say, "No, Lex, you did do the right thing. I'm glad you asked her to find me."

Kate trotted down the stairs to the kitchen to prepare some food. Apparently Alexis was now questioning the wisdom of asking her to help find Rick, but could she blame her? Kate knew what kind of pain they'd been through this last year, and by all rights, she was the cause of it.

Any concerned daughter would be wary of her father stumbling back into the same pain again. We're supposed to learn from our mistakes, not repeat them. Now she just needed to figure out what her mistake was... dating Rick or breaking up with him?

Instinctively she knew it was the latter, but now that it was done could they... _should_ they try to correct it?

"Kaaaaate!" Rick called from upstairs.

"Just a second!" she replied as she grabbed the bagels, cream cheese and orange juice she'd laid out on a tray on the counter.

When she arrived in the bedroom, Rick had swung his feet to the floor but had one hand on his head, the other bracing the night stand, and his eyes squeezed shut.

Quickly she put the tray down and rushed to his side. "You OK?"

"I think so, just dizzy. I have to pee, but when I stood up, the whole room spun and I had to sit again."

"Here put your arm around my shoulders, and we'll take it in little steps."

Together, they slowly shuffled toward the bathroom. At times Kate supported almost all of Rick's entire weight as he swayed.

She waited just outside the door, listening carefully in case he needed her quickly. When he emerged, his stomach growled a greeting.

"Good thing I brought some food up." Kate said, mainly to distract herself from the pleasant tingles dancing up and down her side where Rick's body leaned into hers.

"You think we could eat out on the patio?"

"Don't see why not. Let's get you settled then I'll grab the tray."

Kate cleared away the fallen shutter, so that they wouldn't have to see it, then retrieved the food. She and Rick sat on the lounge chairs, nibbling on their light breakfast while watching the waves crash.

"Look at the size of those whitecaps!" she breathed.

"Tomorrow, if I'm a little more steady, we should go down and see what they've washed in. I'm sure after that storm, we'll be able to find all sorts of interesting things."

"What's the most interesting thing you've ever found after a storm here."

"Me personally? A relatively small but very dead swordfish."

"Eeeeeew." she answered, wrinkling her nose. Despite working with the dead every day, it didn't make it any less disgusting.

"Yeah."

"You said, you personally, so you must know someone with a better story."

"Two actually. When Alexis was about nine, we went out walking the shore after a storm and we found a glass bottle complete with cork and note."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. As part of a school project, a girl in Connecticut tossed five sealed bottles into the ocean, each with a note asking whoever found it to take a picture with the bottle, and send it to her along with the finders name, age and location. Alexis wrote back, and before long, they became pen pals. She and Gretchen even met up a few times."

"Do you know if any of the other bottles were found?"

"I heard that one washed up in Greenland. I don't know about the others."

"OK, that's pretty cool."

"I thought so."

"So who's the other person who found something weird?"

"It wasn't here, but my buddy Mitchell Himes. He was one of my college roommates. His family's home was on the Jersey shore, and one weekend a bunch of us went home with him for a party. We were setting up his back yard and the beach just beyond it, and Mitch literally trips over a body. It had been stormy for a couple days with really strong winds. The corpse was almost completely covered by sand.

"Who was it?"

"A man who's boat capsized during the storm. The other passengers had life vests on and were rescued. He was lost for three days before Mitch fell over his foot."

"Wow."

"I know right. Scared the crap out of Mitch. After the cops and medics left, he canceled the party, packed his car and headed back to school without ever looking back at the beach."

Kate tried to stifle a yawn.

"I'm sorry Kate, you must be exhausted. Have you gotten any sleep?"

"Not really, but that's fine."

"No you need your sleep. If you can help me back to bed, I'm sure I'll be out soon, and you can finally get some rest."

Kate pulled out her phone and set the alarm so that she could wake Rick in a couple hours, then shoved it back into the pocket of the scrub pants she was still wearing.

"Come on, Castle. Let's get you back to bed before we both pass out."

When Rick didn't comment about her getting him to bed, she realized just how exhausted he must be.

With tired, measured steps, the pair slowly made the journey from the porch to the bed. When Rick sat on the bed, Kate slumped down next to him and rested her head against his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and eased back so that they were both laying across the king size bed.

"Mmmmmm, I can't lay down here. I need to go to bed," Kate said with her eyes closed.

"I know." Rick replied, already half asleep.

Kate rolled to her side so that she could push herself up to sitting, but never got to the second step. Within seconds both Kate and Rick were sound asleep.

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**A/N: There you go, four chapters in four days. Hope you enjoyed them!**

**Have a great weekend, I'll see you again on Monday!**

**Happy Reading!**

**DeBo81**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

**Rick Castle: May 2012**

The piercing sound of an alarm slowly brought Rick out of a deep sleep. It must be the one on Kate's phone, but that meant...

He opened his eyes and smiled. Kate lay next to him, sound asleep through the incessant beeping.

Hoping his next move wouldn't earn him a broken arm, Rick carefully slid his hand into her pocket, removed her phone and stopped the noise.

In the fresh silence Kate mumbled something incoherent and rolled toward him, so that his shoulder pillowed her head, her hand rested on his chest and her thigh draped across his hip.

The move, though completely innocent on her part, stirred a bevy of feelings insides him. He'd missed this, this effortless comfort between them, so very very much.

**Rick Castle: June 2011**

_Two weeks. Fourteen days. Almost three hundred thirty-six hours since Kate closed him out of her life. _

_Rick poured himself a glass of bourbon, took a sip and pinched the bridge of his nose to stave off the headache he could feel building behind his eyes._

_The first couple days after she said goodbye, he hurt. It was the kind of pain that he imagined anyone who died slowly might experience, but he tried to understand where she was coming from as well. She'd just come through a life changing trauma. Her world had been turned on end. She was probably just confused. They'd been through too many things to just break up out of the blue. If she needed some time and space, he could respect that, no matter how hard it was._

_After a week, Rick moved into being hopeful. Surely she would call any day now, and admit that she'd been rash. He'd tell her he understood and then offer to take her away for a while until physically and emotionally she felt whole again._

_But now, after another week of racing to his phone, checking his emails and texts compulsively, and still not hearing from her, doubt started to creep in. What if she wasn't just going through something? What if Kate really meant goodbye? What if he never kissed her lips, held her hand or watched her sleep again?_

_A bittersweet smile played at the corners of Rick's perpetually down-turned mouth. He loved to watch Kate sleep, despite her declarations that it was "creepy"._

_Over the year that they'd been together, Rick learned a lot about the multifaceted woman whom he dated. He'd heard her describe herself on more than one occasion as not being the type to wear her heart on her sleeve. But it didn't take long after they began dating to realize she wore her heart on her sleeve just as much as the next person... if not more. She just had it so camouflaged that most people would never recognize it._

_She had some tells though. If you stripped away the practiced bravado and determination, her eyes told more stories than he'd ever pen. You just had to get her to look you in the eye long enough to move past the well worn mask._

_Her biggest emotional gauge though, was one hundred percent subconscious. After sleeping with her for two months, Rick discovered that the weather vein to Kate's heart was in how she slept._

_Rick placed his glass on the nightstand, sat down on his bed, picked up her pillow and held it to his face. He inhaled deeply, trying to take in as much of her essence as possible. The faint scent of Kate and cherries still clung to the soft material._

_While hugging the pillow to his chest, Rick scooted back against the headboard and recalled how fascinating it was to unravel the amazing, complicated, special woman whom he cared so deeply for. _

_Most women Rick had slept with had one or two basic sleep positions that they stuck to every night. Kate Beckett was not most women. No matter if they fell asleep entangled in a pile of arms and legs or spooned together, or even separately if work demanded it, by the time she hit deep sleep, her body became a meter for what was going on deep inside._

_If a case was bothering her, if she was worried or concerned, Kate would roll to her back and cross her arms over her chest, almost as if she was hugging herself for comfort or warmth. Rick had never seen anyone sleep like that, until her. But whenever they were working a tough case, especially the nights they dragged out of the station in the wee hours of the morning, frustrated with the lack of leads, she inevitably made her way to her back and crossed her arms. _

_If he tried to draw her to him on these nights, she'd shrug him off. But if he laced his fingers into hers, she'd cling tightly to his hand until she would eventually relax._

_The one position she slept in that he wouldn't touch her at all, was if she was on her stomach with her arms tucked under her chest. That meant she was angry. And even if it wasn't directed at him, he learned that touching her while she was like this meant risking a black eye or worse. He only made this mistake twice. The first time might have been a fluke but after the second time she subconsciously lashed out, he learned that it was always best to stay on the other side of the bed than to be taken out by an aggressive and unaware cop._

_The position he saw her in the least, was also the one that took the longest for him to figure out, but when Kate Beckett was scared or nervous, she slept on her side with one arm stretched across the bed toward the nightstand where her gun waited if needed. Even the deepest recesses of her mind remained at the ready, if duty called. _

_He'd seen her like this only a few times, but both times that Montgomery had posted a detail on her, she'd spent every night of the watch, sleeping like that. It was also the position she'd slept in the night before Roy was killed, a night she knew Lockwood was free to let his evil rain down._

_The last night they ever shared a bed, Kate slept in the only position he hated... the tight, curled up fetal position that allowed for no cuddling or comfort. When she was hurting, when she was really truly in heartbreaking pain, Kate's body curled into an impenetrable ball, like an armadillo shielding itself from the world. Sadly he found her sleeping like that more than he felt was fair... the August night they found their suspect only minutes after he'd claimed his latest victim, a young child who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time; the January night marking the anniversary of Kate's mother's death; the first night in California when they went after man responsible for killing Royce; and then lastly, the night before Roy Montgomery's funeral._

_When Kate slept like this, there was nothing Rick had found that would comfort her. It broke his heart, especially when he could tell that the nightmares she lived with, both day and night, haunted her to the point of her crying out to the ghosts of the night._

_Thinking about all these moments made Rick appreciate all that they'd been through together. Surely Kate wouldn't throw this all away. Surely one day she'd come back to him. And when she did, he'd get to be with her again, hold her again, sleep next to her again... for better or worse. And for the most part it was almost always for the better._

_Kate's sleep patterns were just as revealing when things were going well too._

_Most nights, Kate slept on her back, hair tumbled across the pillow, mouth parted slightly, softly snoring in a way he found completely adorable. When she was completely relaxed her hand almost always linked behind her head, making her look more like she was laying out on the beach than getting a comfortable night's sleep. But if she was really happy her arms stretched higher above her head, and she smiled softly while she dreamed. Once while sleeping like this, he even heard her giggle, which when he told her about it in the morning, she denied emphatically._

_His favorite position though was when she curled up against him with her head on his shoulder or chest, arms and legs draped across his body in delightful abandon. Not only did he love the intimacy and closeness this position created, but he quickly learned that nights spent sleeping in this position often led to mornings making love. This was how loving, excited, horny Kate slept. He couldn't even count on both hands how many times he'd awoke to find her sleeping across him, and he'd been so excited for what was to come that he'd been unable to fall back asleep. It didn't take him long to figure out that if she slid her leg up his thigh, he only had to rub the small of her back to get her to wake up, willing and ready._

_Rick held the pillow to his chest, willing it to somehow magically transform into the woman he missed. When the minutes ticked by and all he had to hold was a luxury down pillow, he threw it across the room, angry at himself for being so foolish. Memories and cherry scented pillows didn't make him feel better. The only thing he felt was worse, and he was sick of feeling. He grabbed the glass tumbler of amber liquid and tossed it back. His throat burned for a second before becoming numb. Maybe another glass and his whole body would share the numbness._

**Rick Castle: May 2012**

She was sleeping in his favorite position. The one he probably missed the most; not just because he missed the best sex he'd ever had, but because he missed feeling like she was an extension of him. He missed feeling whole.

Absentmindedly the back of his knuckles grazed against her lower spine, causing her to grind into his thigh. Instantly, his body responded. He pulled his hand away, now completely aware of what he was doing. This wasn't the time for that. They might never be lovers again, which saddened him, but he couldn't dwell on that right now. She was here, with him, curled against him, and he would take every second of that gift.

To prevent his hand from returning to her back, Rick slid his finger through Kate's long soft locks instead. Her hair was like silk and... he inhaled deeply... still smelled like cherries.

For the first time since getting hit with the flying shutter, Rick was actually grateful for the accident. If headaches and some dizziness were the price he had to pay to bring Kate back to him, he'd accept them gladly.

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"Rick!" a voice hissed in his ear. And why the hell was he shaking?

"Rick, wake up!" Kate's frightened voice penetrated his groggy mind, opening his eyes almost at once.

"I'm up, I'm up. What's wrong?"

"My alarm didn't go off and its been like six hours. I wasn't supposed to let you sleep that long. I was nervous you slipped into a coma or something."

"I'm touched that you're so concerned."

The truth of that statement was written in every worry line creasing her forehead, the firm set of her mouth and the hint of fear in her eyes.

Rick reached up and stroked her shoulder assuredly. "I'm fine. I swear; just sleeping."

Kate's face relaxed by a fraction.

"And your alarm did go off. I woke up for about a half hour and then fell back asleep. I just didn't want to disturb you. You looked so... peaceful."

"Oh. Well I'm glad, but you could have woke me up. I don't mind."

Moving on instinct, Rick pulled her closer to him and kissed her head in a comforting way. "Well I do mind. You've already done so much for me. The least I can do is let you get some uninterrupted rest."

Kate surprised him when she didn't pull away, but instead, laid back down in his arms.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"OK. I definitely could use some more asprin, but otherwise not bad."

"You haven't stood up yet either."

"True."

"You hungry?"

"I'm getting there. Right now I'm still more tired."

"Well you need to be up for a while."

"I know, but I really don't want to get up yet."

Kate pushed herself up on one arm so she could look him the eyes. "Tell you what, I'll grab your meds and some water. You take those and keep resting. I'll go shower, change and make some food. By that time, maybe the pain pills will kick in and you'll at least feel like sitting up and eating."

"How did I get so lucky to have a woman, er, a friend... like you?"

Kate's eyes darkened slightly, but he couldn't read if it was reservation or arousal. No other aspect of her face even flinched.

After a second more of intense staring, she rolled away and headed to his bathroom, returning moments later with his medication.

When she disappeared again into "her" room, Rick lay back into his pillow and shut his eyes. Then he heard the shower in "her" bathroom turn on. And any remaining chance of rest flew out the window. He tried to push the images away, but he remembered her in great detail. He yearned, heart, mind and body, to go to her; to join her in every way a man and woman could be joined.

Instead, he stayed where he was and let his traitorous heart and uncomfortable body be his penance for wanting something so badly that he couldn't have.

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When Kate returned almost an hour later with fried egg sandwiches, sliced cantaloupe and mixed berry yogurt cups, Rick pretended to be asleep. He was already feeling awkward, he didn't want her to pick up on that and possibly pull away. When she woke him, he stretched and faked a yawn, always careful to keep his eyes from roaming over her hungrily.

As they ate together, they casually caught up with each other about all that had happened in the last year. Things like the 12th's new Captain, production on Heat Wave, Kate's dad Jim dating again, and Rick's concern that Ashley might propose to Alexis soon.

The conversation lasted much longer than the food and took them from afternoon to evening. Talking with Kate came effortlessly. The friendship and trust they'd had even before they began dating returned easily, as if there had never been a painful gap in their relationship.

When the sun started to dip toward the west, Kate asked if Rick was ready to go back to sleep.

"Nah, I'm good for a while. How about you?"

"I'm physically tired, but I'm not particularly sleepy."

Rick stretched across the bed, on which they were still sitting and grabbed the remote. "Wanna see what's on TV?"

Kate shrugged and turned herself so that she could watch with him.

Halfway through the channels, Rick found a Memorial Day Weekend Military Movie Marathon. An Officer and A Gentleman was just rolling credits, but Top Gun was advertised as coming on next. He flipped to the guide button and read aloud that following Top Gun over the next day and a half was, A Few Good Men, Glory, Saving Private Ryan, Blackhawk Down, Full Metal Jacket, The Patriot, M*A*S*H, Stripes, Good Morning Vietnam, The Hunt For Red October, 1776, The Red Badge of Courage, The Dirty Dozen, and Band of Brothers.

"Wow." Rick whistled. "That's a whole lota movie."

"Too much for me. Although those are some amazing films, I think watching them back to back would put anyone in a week long depression."

"Agreed, but maybe someday I'll have to take that challenge!"

"Not today!"

Rick shook his head, "No not today." He raised the remote to move on, but Kate covered his hand.

"I could do Top Gun though. I love that movie. I remember the first time I saw it. I was ten and at my first sleepover. My friend Annie brought her older sister's copy and we watched that and Dirty Dancing. We thought we were so cool and grown up!"

Rick laughed. "I saw it in the theater, opening weekend. I was in high school."

"Wow Old Man, I was like six or seven when that came out."

Rick rolled his eyes. "Very funny. Now do you want to watch this or not? It's seven o'clock, and that means it's almost bed time for little girls."

Kate smacked his chest with the back of her hand. "Ha ha. You're a riot!"

It didn't take long for them both to get sucked into the movie, often quoting along with the actors. Neither one really noticed though that as time passed they got closer and closer to each other until at last they were snuggled together in a warm lump.

By the time the movie started to wrap up, Rick was barely paying attention to it anymore. Kate filled his senses making everything else fade away.

When the music started in the final scene, Rick didn't think about it but just began singing along with the Righteous Brothers. "You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips. And there's no tenderness, like before, in your fingertips. You're trying hard not to show it, but baby, baby I know it..."

As the song reached the chorus, Kate turned and brought her lips to his. He didn't mean to start something, not really. But now that it did, the fire burning inside, consumed him.

His right hand tangled in her hair, crushing her mouth to his. His left hand found her lower back and messaged her spine.

When Kate moaned into him, it was almost his undoing, but he mentally fought for control over a situation that was quickly spiraling out of control.

Rick rolled to his back, attempting to put a little space between their bodies, but Kate rolled with him and managed to straddle his lap.

She only moved a fraction of an inch, but that was all it took for his body to respond.

Without hesitation, Kate pulled her shirt up over her head. He dug his fingers into her thighs and devoured her with his eyes. He wanted to be with her so badly, it hurt, and they were so deliciously close to fulfilling their desires... That's why it was so hard to stop before things went any further.

"Kate, stop. We can't do this."

Rick took her hands off his chest and clenched them in his hands.

He didn't have to be a mind reader to see the hurt, confusion and then embarrassment written on her face before it quickly masked itself into seriousness. "You're right. I'm sorry. I, I..."

"No, please don't take this the wrong way. I want this, I really do, and I'm thrilled that you do too. But this is not the time. I know how I feel about you, and you know how I feel about you. But you don't know how you feel about me, and until we're on the same page this can't happen. Right now we're friends, but as friends, I can't take this step."

Kate pulled her shirt back on and scooted off his body, but didn't leave. "Everything has just happened so fast, Rick. I don't know what to think or feel."

"That's fine. There's no rush. We have all the time in the world. I want you to figure this out in your own way and your own time. And when you know, I'll accept your decision... whatever it is."

Rick sat up and reached out to squeeze her hands. "Please don't be upset."

"I'm not Rick. Thank you for being so... understanding." Kate crawled off the bed and headed for the door without ever meeting his eyes. "I think I'll head to bed. Its been a long day. I'll leave my door open. If you need anything... just yell."

When she turned away Rick felt awful. He knew it took two to tango, but he felt like it was all his fault for getting too cozy when he knew they weren't ready.

He slowly climbed out of bed as well, but headed for the bathroom. He needed something for the headache that just came back with a vengeance.

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**A/N: Frustrated? LOL Don't worry. I'll put you (and them) out of misery soon. There's only one more chapter and an epilogue, both of which will be posted this week.**

**Tonight's a new episode! I'm so excited! But I may be even more excited about the promo for next week. I'm so bad!**

**Ahhhhh what are we going to do for a whole summer hiatus? Sorry, I just can't believe season 4 is almost over.**

**OK, well I'll be back again soon. Thanks for the feedback and birthday wishes! I had an excellent weekend!**

**Happy Reading!**

**DeBo81**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Kate Beckett: May 2012**

She'd almost slept with Rick! Hell, she'd practically thrown herself at him!

If he hadn't stopped them, then right now they'd be... She couldn't think about that right now; it wouldn't make it any easier.

Kate dropped her face to her hands. What was she thinking!

But standing alone in the dark of her room, she knew exactly what she had been thinking. She missed him. She missed _them_. And he looked good and smelled good and he felt... oh so good. Whenever she'd been with him in the past, he made her feel like the only woman in the world, like a queen or a treasure. He made her feel so loved.

How had she been so blind for all that time? Sure, he never said the words but his actions had spoken for him. He'd loved her, maybe all along, and she'd never allowed herself to acknowledge that truth.

Rick was right. They couldn't be together right now. She couldn't hurt him again. To be with him, knowing how he felt, and without knowing her own heart wasn't fair.

A tiny voice in her head, reminded her that she did know her heart, she just had to accept it. But she ignored it. Yes, she thought that _maybe_ she was in love... but how could she know for sure? What made it different than lust or infatuation? What made it real and permanent?

She knew she still desired him; maybe her longing for him was making her think she was in love.

As she stood in her room trying to sort rational thought from steamy fantasy, Kate heard the shower turn on in Rick's master bath. He was most likely taking a cold shower after their little encounter. It wasn't a bad idea. Maybe she could use one too before heading to bed.

**Kate Beckett: Dream**

_Kate jogged across the dark pavement that stretched out in every direction. She swore she heard Rick call her name, but couldn't figure out where it had come from. _

_As she continued on, a dot on the horizon grew bigger and bigger until she could see it was a building._

_In the dark blue of the deep night, it was hard to make out anything else in the scene around her. Even when she looked down at herself, all she could see was a shadowy silhouette. _

_An almost ethereal glow slowly came into view as she continued toward the building that was now looming only a few hundred yards ahead._

_There was something familiar about the large structure. It was maybe a factory or warehouse or... then she knew. It was an airport hangar. THE airport hangar._

_Adrenaline pumped through Kate's veins as she picked up speed, racing now as fast as she could._

_She knew exactly where the door to the large building was located and dashed in, without considering what she might find._

_What she found was the scene of that night with Roy._

_Kate saw herself standing in front of the shiny helicopter in the middle of the giant room._

"_Captain?" her distant self called. "Captain!"_

"_Over here." Montgomery stepped from the shadows, just as she checked her phone. He clutched his gun in his hand; his face more somber than she'd ever seen in all the years she knew him._

_Kate hid in the shadows, watching herself and her mentor as the events unfolded._

"_Put the gun away Roy." Beckett commanded while reaching back to grab her own, if needed._

"_Kate, I'm not going to jail for this. I can't put my family through that."_

"_Why?" She asked. _

_She watched herself watch Montgomery make his explanation. Even though it was no longer a surprise, it still rocked her to the core._

_Roy slowly approached her as he poured out his darkest secrets. "...McCallister and Raglan tried to drown it, but not me. I put it all into the job, Kate. I became the best cop that I could be. And then when you walked into the 12th, I felt the hand of God. I knew He was giving me another chance and I thought... if I could protect you like I should have protected her."_

"_Did you kill my mother?"_

"_No. that was years later, but she died because of what we did that night."_

"_Then who killed her?"_

_Montgomery licked his lips. "I don't know how, but somehow he figured out what we had done. He could have turned us all in. Instead, he demanded the ransom money. He took that money to become what he is, and God forgive me, but that may be my greatest sin."_

"_Give me a name." She stepped closer. "You owe me that Roy."_

"_No Kate. If I give you a name, I know you; you'll run straight at him. I might as well shoot you where you stand."_

"_That's why you brought me here, isn't it? To kill me?"_

_The pair were almost face to face now._

"_No. I brought you here to lure them."_

"_You baited them?"_

_A car, still quite a ways away came into view._

"_And now they're coming. I'ma need you to leave. They're coming to kill you, and I'm not gonna let 'em. I'm gonna end this."_

_Lurking in the shadows, Kate was filled with as much pain and emotion as she was that first time she'd lived this night._

"_I'm not going anywhere, Sir."_

"_Yes you are!" _

_Montgomery called out into the darkness that surrounded them. "Castle! Get her out of here."_

_Rick suddenly appeared from another door in the shadows, behind where Kate and Roy faced off. Fear was written across every one of them. _

"_Captain, I..." he started._

"_Don't argue! That's why I called you. Get her out of here, now!"_

_Rick reached for her, but she brushed him off. "Captain please! Just listen to me. You don't have to do this."_

"_Kate!" Rick whispered, making her turn toward him. She was already having to fight her tears. "No please!" _

_She turned back to Roy and placed a hand on his chest. "Please Sir! Listen... I forgive you. I FORGIVE YOU!"_

_Captain Montgomery closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "This is my spot Kate. This is where I stand."_

_She couldn't fight her feelings anymore and began to sob and shake. "No!"_

"_Castle..." he commanded._

_The car in the distance slowly began its approach._

"_No, no! Sir, please listen to me. You don't have to do this."_

_The dark car grew closer._

_With one last command as their chief, Roy yelled to Rick. "Castle! Get her outta here NOW!_

"_You don't have to, Sir..."_

"_Kate." Her name on Rick's lips sounded like the apology that it was. He scooped her up and carried her, literally kicking, sobbing and screaming through the hangar and out the back door._

_Listening to her own pleading screams, just made her want to scream too. This wasn't fair. It shouldn't have happened. Rick should have let her stay and help. Maybe she could have saved him!_

_As the car continued to close the distance, Kate watched from the shadows as all grew quiet. She knew what had happened outside. She knew that Rick held her back, while crying his own tears, apologizing over and over again for what he had to do. She knew how the fear, anger, helplessness and defeat swallowed who she was and left her in a crumpled shell, pressed between Rick and her car on the tarmac._

_Now she watched as Lockwood and his three associates approached Roy. She listened as Roy bravely made his stand._

_She cringed with every shot that rang out in the cavernous room._

_But then... something she wasn't expecting happened. The door she and Rick had just left through suddenly opened and the other form of herself broke through, gun drawn, racing to her Captain's side. _

_That Kate took one of the men by surprise, but Lockwood already had her in his sights._

_Kate felt the pain of the shot in her chest as the other version of herself dropped to the floor._

_Montgomery screamed and charged toward Lockwood, the only other man still standing. Both men fired and both men fell._

_Rick raced in, only steps behind Kate, but was already too late. He dropped to his knees over her bleeding body and gathered her to him._

_As she watched from the shadows, she felt herself almost evaporate, and then come back, but now she was the one on the floor bleeding out in Rick's arms._

"_Kate please," he whispered as his tears hit her face. "Stay with me Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, OK? Kate... I love you. I love you Kate."_

_Everything inside her ached to tell him she loved him too. But the words were trapped deep inside. Her hands, her voice, nothing worked, no matter how hard she fought._

_Just before everything went black, she had one last thought... I should have told him while I had the chance._

**Kate Beckett: May 2012**

Kate sat straight up in bed, drenched in sweat.

First she moved her hand to her chest. She felt her scar, but no blood. It was a dream. It was just a dream! She was alive!

Kate sat there for several minute just willing her body to calm down and stop shaking. The dream had been profoundly real, to the point of feeling the pain as the bullet hit her chest. After her breathing slowed and her pulse returned to its usual rhythm, Kate pushed the blankets off and shuffled into the bathroom. She poured herself a glass of water, closed her eyes and then leaned back onto the wall.

After taking a few more moments to compose herself, Kate opened her eyes and looked into the mirror that hung just across from her.

She was thin, gaunt. Her under-eyes were dark. Her cheeks and eyes sunken in, making her cheekbone protrude. She looked half dead.

As Kate evaluated herself, she knew she shouldn't be surprised, she'd been living like she was half dead, eating only when necessary, pushing herself at work until she could come home exhausted and just pass out. It had been more than a year since she'd really last lived.

The top of the scar on her chest stuck out over the deep V of her tank top. Kate traced the edges of it with her finger and realized that although the bullet didn't kill her body, it killed her spirit. The part of her that died in the grass that day kept her from really living; leaving a shell of a person, paralyzed by fear and hurt. She couldn't be that person anymore. She couldn't let "them" win. Roy didn't take a stand for her to take a fall. It was time to get her life back.

And there was one person who made her feel more alive than ever. One person willing to take her hand and just jump into it all, come what may. One person she wanted to be with now and maybe forever.

Kate stood a little taller. Pink color rose in her cheeks. Her eyes twinkled. Her skin took on a glow. It was time to seize the day and take her life back once and for all.

Kate went back into the bedroom. She looked at the clock on the nightstand; it was just after four.

It really wasn't the best time to go racing into someone's room and tell them something important, but Rick wasn't supposed to be sleeping for long periods of time anyway.

After only a brief hesitation, Kate made her decision and acted, before she could change her mind.

So as not to startle him, Kate tiptoed into Rick's suite and then scurried across the floor to his bed.

Bright moonlight poured in from the closest window, bathing him in soft light. He was a beautiful man, inside and out.

Kate lowered her knees to the floor and leaned in over the mattress so she could brush back the lock of hair falling across his forehead.

Her touch made him stir, but not wake up, so she grew a little braver.

Kate stretched just a little farther forward and kissed Rick's stubbled cheek, then his jaw, then his lips.

This time his eyes blinked open.

"Kate?"

"Yes."

"What are you doing?"

"Living!"

Rick was clearly confused. "Excuse me?"

Kate stood and pointed to a spot on the bed next to him. "May I?"

"Um, sure!" He half sat up and scooted over, allowing her plenty of room to join him.

She climbed into bed and rolled to her side, using one propped up arm to support her head so that they could look at each other.

"So you're "living"?" Rick asked cautiously. He obviously wasn't fully awake yet, and didn't seem to quite believe that she was in his bed with him.

"I am... finally." Kate paused and looked down at the small amount of empty space between them. She gathered her thoughts and looked back up into his searching blue eyes. "I had an awful dream Rick. I was back at the hangar watching everything unfold. I watched Roy make his stand. I watched you carry me out while I fought you. It was so real... so... painful. But then something changed. Ever since that night, I've been confident that if things went differently, if Roy had let me stay with him or if you'd let me go, I could have changed the outcome. I believed that he'd still be here with us and Lockwood and his men would be done. In my dream, I came back to help Montgomery like I wanted to, but it didn't end the way I thought it would. Instead, he and I both died on the floor of the hangar."

Rick moved his hand to the curve of her waist, just above her hip. "But you didn't die Kate. You're still here. You're alive... even after the sniper attack."

"I know that now. I mean, I knew I survived," Kate took a deep breath, "...but I forgot that I was alive, Rick. My body fought, but I didn't. I surrendered to every fear and every hurt. And if Montgomery were here, he'd be disappointed. He'd tell me, that by rolling over, I let them win. And he'd be right."

"Kate..."

"No Rick, I'm glad I can finally see that. I need my life back. I need to enjoy myself and take chances and be who I am."

"How can I help?"

Kate smiled caressed his cheek with her thumb. "Just by being you."

He chuckled, but she knew it was partly to choke back the emotion she could see welling in his eyes.

"That's not entirely everything."

Rick questioned her with his eyebrows.

"In the dream, before I, before I died, you came back to me. You tried to save me and you begged me to stay with you. You told me you loved me..." Kate took another deep breath and let it out. "For whatever reason, shock or fear or maybe because of the injuries, I couldn't tell you the same thing. I wanted to. I tried, but the words were locked inside of me and it never happened."

Rick didn't answer or comment, so Kate continued.

"Rick, I don't know what tomorrow holds. Who can predict the flying window shutters and snipers of life? We never know what's going to happen, no matter how careful we are and how much we try to protect ourselves. We assume we have all the time in the world and that we can make time later for the things that are important, but we know that's not true. How many times have we gone to a crime scene only to find someone who's life was cut off a lifetime too soon? I won't take that chance anymore." Kate paused. Her eyes and Rick's eyes were locked. She felt so connected to him, so in sync, that she was no longer nervous about coming clean. "Rick, I love you."

"You love me?"

"I do. And if I'm going to be honest with both you and myself, I loved you last night but was too scared to say it. I loved you when I drove through the night to come find you, but refused to acknowledge it. I loved you at the Ryan's wedding, but was blinded by it. I loved you when I broke up with you, but was terrified by it. I loved you in the hangar but couldn't accept it. I've loved you... for so long that I can't even pinpoint when it started because it crept in so slowly that I don't remember life before it."

Rick kissed her passionately and pulled Kate across the few inches separating them until she was flush against his bare chest. "I've loved you the same way, and I'll keep loving you forever Kate."

"I'm sorry I couldn't see it sooner. I'm sorry that I caused us so much pain by being a fool."

"Don't worry about that now. You were no fool. You were hurting. Pain is a powerful force. But that's in the past and we can't change it. What's important now, is where we go from here."

"I don't want to go anywhere without you."

"Good, because I plan to be at your side."

"Does this mean we aren't just friends anymore?"

"Just friends? No... we're so much more. But you'll always be my best friend, first and foremost."

He leaned into her, causing them to roll as one, so that Kate was on her back and Rick rested on top of her.

She reached up and gently touched his head where the swollen bump remained. "Are you sure we should do this right now? Its completely against doctor's orders."

He chuckled and pulled the hem of her top up. "Trust me when I tell you, I have NEVER felt better."

Soon they were again declaring their love, this time in both words and actions.

Lips met lips; skin found skin. Bodies moved, souls merged and hearts melted until they were no longer two, but one.

Kate and Rick took their time, loving and savoring each other, treasuring the special gift they now shared.

When they were both exhausted and content, Kate pulled the sheet up over their sweat dampened bodies and snuggled up against Rick's chest. "I'm so glad I came back to you."

"Me too. Its where we belong."

**The End**

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**A/N: So there it is folks. We saw this story forwards backwards and inside out, but its all there. Happy ending and all (but then again I believe in happy endings... I don't think I could give you anything different). I REALLY hope you enjoyed it. This was a fun/interesting/confusing/amusing one to write. And its pretty much the the longest fic I've written entirely before posting (which I'm so glad I did, cuz going back and forth in the story took a lot of going back to the beginning and changing stuff).  
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**FYI: THERE IS AN EPILOGUE! I will post it... before Saturday, sometime.  
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**I want to thank every one of you who took the time to read this story. It still amazes me that people from around the world actually want to read something that I wrote. After a year maybe I should be used to is, but it still hasn't sunk in. Thank you for liking it, for favoriting it, getting alerts for it, and of course for all your kind/helpful/lovely feedback. I wish I could send a thank you card to each of you who commented, PMed, tweeted, Tumblred (that can't be a word, LOL), emailed, or posted on the 12th. You are all AWESOMESAUCE.  
**

**I do have a few people I do need to single out though, Castlekat, Mr CK, Mama E, NathanFan, Chantal1975, XrayDiva, if Castle vanished today, you would all still be amazing friends. Thanks to the internet, this giant world is a little smaller. Instead of being miles (and miles and miles) apart, we're an email apart! But I never would have got to know any of you if I hadn't started writing, or if you hadn't reached out just to give me a verbal pat on the back. I don't know why life works the way it does, but I'm glad it did and that I can call you all friends.  
**

**One more person I want to thank is Teelduo. I know you hate to be pointed out, but how can I not? We're getting known around the Castle community as being quite a pair. We're like PB & J (you know... super sweet and extra nutty, LOL). So despite your shyness when it comes to taking credit... you deserve a public recognition. If you hadn't come into my writing life when you did, I can promise that "Three", "Brickwork" and "Back to You" would never have been written. You are my Gina, my Paula, my Kate (not like that though), my Martha, my Alexis and my Gates all rolled into one. You listen, you're honest, you're encouraging, you care enough to put me in my place when my head gets big, and pick me up when I'm down and want to throw in the towel. You challenge me and push me go beyond what I ever thought I could do. You are not only my Beta and fellow fangirl; you've become my big sister and friend. So yes, I will THANK YOU now and I will continue to thank you in the future, because you deserve all of it and more (BTW... I'm buying your dessert when we go out for dinner). And do not smack me for putting this on here! Cuz it won't change a thing!  
**

**Alright my friends... that is all, thank you for hanging in there with me! I'm sure I'll put something more out this summer... but for the next month or two I'm on literary hiatus because REAL LIFE calls!  
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**Look for the epilogue in the next couple days!  
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**But until then Happy Reading!  
**

**DeBo81  
**


	13. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**Rick and Kate Castle: May 2014**

"Hon, are you sure you wanna go? Last week the trip across town made you uncomfortable. If we head to the beach house, it's gonna take at least two hours; you know that."

Kate pushed herself up from the chair in their room and tossed a few more things into the bag on their bed.

"Yes, I wanna go. I'm pregnant, not dying. If I get uncomfortable, we'll stop and get out for a few minutes. We aren't going to cancel this trip. Except for that one year that we were split up, we've spent every Memorial day weekend there together."

"But those other years you weren't days away from giving birth to our baby."

Kate's lip trembled and tears sprung to her eyes. She hated being so emotional but like so many other things in her life right now, she just couldn't control them.

"Dr. McCormick said she'd see me next week. I'm not even dilated yet. Please Rick. It's our anniversary, and its not like we're traveling abroad... just to the beach."

Rick sighed. He hated her being so far away from their hospital, but Kate was right. The doctor cleared her to go to the Hamptons just the day before.

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around Kate, letting his hands rest on the tight swell of her belly.

"OK Katie, if that's what you want, that's what I want, because there's nothing I want more for our anniversary, than a happy bride."

"Thank you Rick! Thank you!" Kate turned awkwardly in her husband's arms and kissed him emphatically but the baby between them kicked until they pulled apart.

"Hey little one," Rick held Kate's belly with both hands and bent to talk to his unborn child. "It's OK if I kiss your Mom. She doesn't mind, I swear."

A swift kick directly to his palm was the baby's response.

Kate chuckled, "Well apparently he.."

"Or she." Rick inserted.

"... or she_,_ does. I just hope this isn't a habit that it plans to keep after its arrival too."

Rick straightened up and kissed his wife again, and was again kicked for his efforts. "I think you just get so excited around me that it increases your heartbeat or something, and she..."

"Or he."

"... yes, or _he_, doesn't like that."

Kate stepped away and zipped up the bag she'd just packed then handed it to Rick. "I just can't help it Dear, you're just so ruggedly handsome!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Kate's lower back ached with an intensity that made her want to scream, but she refused to tell Rick. She knew he'd remind her that the long car ride was going to be too much for her, and she was in the mood for neither his smug gloating nor his overprotective concern. They'd get to the house in less than a half an hour if she didn't need to stop for another bathroom break first. She could make it that long; she just needed to focus on the giant jetted tub she planned to soak in as soon as they arrived.

When they finally pulled into the garage, Kate pulled herself from the car and then waddled as fast as she could into the house. Instead of unloading the car, Rick followed her.

"Kate are you OK? You've been awfully quiet and if you bite your lip any harder its going to start bleeding."

"I'm fine, I just have to pee."

"Again?"

Kate spun around to look at her husband just before climbing the stairs. "Yes Dear, again! Its what I do."

"But you look like you're in pain."

Kate was now carefully taking the steps as quickly as she could. "Yes, I have a giant, doting pain in my butt, maybe you know him. Now, why don't you go get our bags and then maybe run down to The Second Scoop and get me a caramel brownie sundae."

"Fine, just promise me you're OK. No more Braxton Hicks contractions like like last week?"

"If you must know, my back hurts. I probably sat in the car too long, and yes I know you warned me. But no, I am not having contractions. I'm sure after a nice warm bath to relax my muscles, I'll be fine." When she reached the top of the steps, she turned around and her entire posture softened. "Try to relax Rick, I would tell you if I thought I was having contractions or anything more serious than the permanent discomfort of a woman who's been pregnant for most of a year."

"I just worry."

"I know you do, and I appreciate it. But trust me, when labor hits, you'll know... I'm not going to go through it alone."

Rick kissed her. "Katherine Castle, you're my hero. You know that? I don't know how you women do this, but I'm glad you do."

"Yeah I can't see many men volunteering for this. Now, go. Baby needs ices cream..." She turned and headed into their room, before yelling back, "... and a hot dog with ketchup, pickle relish and nacho cheese!"

Thankfully Kate never saw Rick's cringe of disgust.

XXXXXXXXXX

That night, while Kate was brushing her teeth, Rick wandered into the bathroom behind her. Without asking, he began to massage her back and shoulders until her head lolled back in delight.

"Can you believe tomorrow, we'll be married a whole year already?" he said softly in her ear.

Kate straitened up so she could look at him through the reflection in the mirror. "In some ways it feels like just yesterday, but at the same time, its kinda like we've been together forever."

**Rick and Kate: May 2013**

_Kate stood with her father Jim, at the side of the house, waiting to hear the music begin. After what seemed like a lifetime of planning, her and Rick's wedding day was finally here. _

_The sky was blue and cloudless. The breeze held the floral scent of spring. Around forty of their closest friends and family were gathered on the beach. Her delicate cream lace gown fit perfectly; her hair tumbled in glossy waves over her bare shoulders, the off-white and purple calla lilies she clutched were exquisite, and her smile was bright enough to envy the sun. _

_When the prelude began, Jim took Kate's hand and kissed her cheek. "You're as beautiful as your mother, Katie."_

"_Dad," she whispered as emotion choked her, "I wish she was here."_

_He raised their intertwined hands and patted them to his chest. "I promise you Sweetheart, she is."_

_Kate took a cleansing breath and threw her arms around Jim. "I love you Dad!"_

"_And I love you." Jim stepped back to look her in the eyes. "As a father of a daughter, I never thought there would be man good enough for you, but you found the one guy to prove me wrong. Rick is a fine man Katie, and he loves you as much as I do... which is saying something. I think you're just as lucky as he is."_

_Before Kate could respond, the music changed. Jim offered Kate his arm, which she took and together, they made their way down the aisle._

_From the bride's side of the aisle, Alexis and Lanie stood at the the front watching Kate approach; next to Rick were Kevin and Javi. Kate didn't notice any of them, because in the middle was the man she was about to marry. A man who's radiant smile matched her own._

_The ceremony passed in a euphoric blur. Lanie and Esposito sung a duet for which Alexis played her violin, Ryan read a poem, there were vows and rings, a pronouncement and a kiss, but they'd have to watch the DVD later to enjoy the details, because in the moment there was only each other._

_Three years after they became a couple, Rick and Kate became husband and wife._

**Rick and Kate Castle: May 2014**

Rick stretched out on the bed and opened his arms to encourage his wife to join him.

Kate laid down slowly and nuzzled her cheek into his neck. "I'm so happy, Baby. It's been an amazing year."

"You're right, book sales have been fantastic!"

After a receiving a playful smack to the chest, he laughed and changed his tune. "Kidding! Kidding! You know that I agree with you completely. This year has been amazing, but that's only because each day with you is better than the one before. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

The couple soon fell asleep, snuggled together, with his broad hand cradling their unborn child.

XXXXXXXXXX

The sound of water running woke Rick with a start. At first he thought it was just the predicted storm moving in, but after a second, he realized it was the shower.

A quick look over his shoulder confirmed that Kate wasn't in bed. He pushed off the blanket and padded toward the bathroom.

"Babe, you OK?"

"Yes. No. I think so."

Rick hadn't been sure what to expect when he entered the smaller room, but what he found wasn't any of them.

Kate, completely naked, was on her hands and knees in the shower, scrubbing the grout between the tile with a toothbrush, while steam rose all around her.

"What are you doing!" He raced to her and shut off the water so that he could help her stand.

"Hey turn that back on! It was helping!"

"Helping what?"

"My back."

"It's still hurting?"

"Just some muscle spasms, I couldn't keep laying in bed and the bath worked earlier, so I figured I'd try a hot shower this time."

Still slightly confused, Rick pointed to the toothbrush... _his_ toothbrush, in her hand. "And how is cleaning the shower with my toothbrush helping?"

She shrugged with a sheepish smile. "As I was getting undressed it occurred to me that I couldn't remember the last time Greta came out to clean, like REALLY clean, and I just couldn't imagine how grossed out I'd feel if the baby showered in something that wasn't immaculate."

Rick was absolutely dumbfounded. While he stood there staring at her, with mouth gaping, she turned the shower back on.

"OK, just humor me for a second..." he shouted over the loud spray of water, "...it's the middle of the night and I'm obviously a bit slow here. Didn't Greta come out last week to do a full clean? Everything looks great!"

"It may look clean, but you can't see germs. What if she missed something?"

Wisely, Rick kept his comment about his wife's mental health to himself.

"Even if she did miss something, why would the baby be showering in here?"

That one evidently stumped her. After a moment's thought, she chose not to answer that question and went another direction instead. "Who cares? Go back to sleep! The hot water was helping my back, and I just wanted to clean. No harm no foul."

"You worry me. You know that right?"

"Don't worry. Go back to sleep. I'll come back to bed as soon as I'm done."

Rick's eyebrows shot up skeptically.

"I promise. Now leave me alone. You're bothering me."

Dutifully he turned around and left his wife to her crazy antics. Once he made it back to bed, he didn't contemplate the situation long, falling back to sleep almost immediately.

The next time Rick woke up, Kate was again, or perhaps_ still,_ gone. After finding the bathroom empty, he wandered back toward the bed.

"Kate!" he called out.

"Yeah?" her voice drifted toward him.

"Where are you?"

"Out here."

He followed her voice to the French doors leading to the balcony. When he opened them, he found his wife standing against the wall watching the approaching storm.

"We get a lot of storms on Memorial Day weekend don't we?" she asked without turning back to look at him.

"I guess."

"No, think about it. This is the fourth Memorial Day we've been here together. And the third time a big storm rolled in."

"Its spring, that happens."

"I know, I just thought it was interesting."

Rick came up to her from behind and wrapped his arms around Kate. Like usual during this pregnancy, she radiated heat like a furnace, keeping them both warm in the night air.

"As I recall, both of those other storms led you back to my bed. Any chance of that happening this time?"

"No, one storm got me in your bed, the other one got you a ride in an ambulance."

"Don't ruin my memories with your details!"

They chuckled, but then comfortable silence filled the space around them while they watched the lightning illuminate the night sky.

Kate shifted so that she could knead her lower spine.

"Still hurting?" Rick asked.

"Some."

"Some, as in a little discomfort? Or some, as in you don't want to worry me."

Kate's lack of response was all the answer he needed. Rick turned her around so that he could look her in the eyes. Even in the low light, he could see the pain she was trying to downplay.

"I think we should go home."

"No. I thought about it, but I can't sit that long right now."

"Babe, I think you should be closer to your doctor."

"I'm fine. We're fine. The baby is moving, I don't feel like anything's wrong. My back just hurts."

Rick rubbed her belly gently hoping to feel the baby kick. While he waited for the eventual thump below her skin, she grimaced. "You are in a lot of pain."

"I'm nine months pregnant, I'm always uncomfortable these days."

"But not like this. This can't be normal. At least let me call the doctor."

While Kate stood there considering her options, Rick continued to feel her stomach. All of a sudden he stood up straighter. "Do you feel that?"

"Feel what?"

"Your belly. Its really hard."

"The baby's been moving a lot, its probably just stretching me out."

"No, I think it's different than that. You got like rock hard. Are you sure you're not having contractions?"

"I think I'd know if I was having contractions. My belly doesn't really hurt at all. Just my back."

Rick wasn't buying it. He shook his head and furrowed his brow. He took her hand and pressed them into her stomach. "Feel it."

She waited for a while, looking for whatever it was that Rick thought he felt. "It feels normal."

"Just wait."

Two crashes of thunder and two flashes of lightning later, Kate was fed up and was about to pull away when suddenly her entire belly became completely solid.

"That," Rick pointed at the large bulge. "What is that?"

"I... I don't know."

"How long has it been since the first time I felt it?"

Kate felt herself beginning to panic."I don't know... a couple minutes."

"I think you're having contractions."

"Then why can't I feel them?"

"How should I know? Am I a doctor!"

"I thought contractions were supposed to be earth shattering stomach cramps! This can't be that, it can't!"

Panic cracked her voice as her eyes grew wide with fear.

"Come on, let's time a couple and then I'll call Dr McCormick." Rick led Kate back inside to the bed, where she laid down.

Three minutes later, according to Rick's phone, Kate's belly tightened again.

"Do you feel anything different when that happens?"

"Actually, now that I'm laying down, I felt the muscle spasms like I've been having all night start at my spine and kinda wrap around under my belly."

Rick's face paled. Kate let out a sob. "Rick, what if I'm in labor? I'm not ready for this! I can't do this! Not now!"

He bent over and kissed her forehead that was now dotted with pinpricks of sweat. "Try to stay calm. We don't know that for sure... yet. And if you are, just try and save your energy. You're going to need it."

Rick turned his attention back to the stopwatch app on his phone. As the seconds approached the three minute mark, Rick waited to feel her stomach constrict again. Sure enough, at two minutes and fifty-eight seconds in, the sudden tightness was unavoidable and this time accompanied by a low moan from Kate.

"Why don't you go get dressed or whatever you need to do. I'm calling the doctor."

With a little help, Kate sat up, flipped on the light, grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom.

Rick had just told the OB about the frequent contractions when Kate let out a strangled scream followed by a surprised shriek.

He dashed into the bathroom, phone in hand. "What happened?"

But she didn't have to say a word. Her normally light gray yoga pants were soaked dark gray from crotch to floor.

"My water just broke."

Rick stood staring at her like a fool for a full twenty seconds or so, before he realized the doctor was talking to him over the phone.

"I'm sorry can you say that again?"

Kate watched Rick carefully, waiting to see what the doctor was telling him.

"Yeah, I can do that. Hold on."

Rick tossed some towels on the floor to sop up the mess, then threw even more down.

"Kate I need to help you lay down. Doctor wants me to check you."

"Check me!" Kate shook her head and backed against the wall. There was no way she was going to let him play obstetrician.

"She wants to know if I can see the baby."

"Ohhhhhhh no no no no no. You are not checking anything!" Kate argued, but Rick who was already stoic grew even more serious.

"I have to. It may mean the difference between me driving you to the local hospital or calling 911. Dr. McCormick thinks you've been having back labor for hours. You might already be ready to deliver."

This was not what Kate expected. She thought this process took a lot longer. She thought maybe they'd even be able to make it back to the city in time. She planned to deliver in a luxury birthing suite with medical professionals and an epidural. She never thought her husband would have to check her on a pile of towels in her bathroom.

Within a few minutes, Kate was half naked, laying on the floor, with a tear or two streaking down her cheeks.

Rick waited patiently between her knees for the next contraction so he could give the doctor the report.

When the next one struck Kate felt it hard. Hard enough that she involuntarily began to bare down.

Rick watched in shock as the baby's head came into view for several long seconds before disappearing once again.

"Oh my God. I saw the head... and I think she's pushing."

Rick listened for instructions, clicked off the phone and then dialed a new number while the doctor's last words replayed over and over in his head, "Keep Kate calm, and call 911. They'll help you from here. You might be delivering this one yourself, Rick. Congratulations and good luck!"

The next ten minutes passed at the speed of light while they waited for the paramedics to arrive. And when they finally did, it was to three separate cries.

Rick, who was a physical and emotinal mess, stood up and got out of the way. The medics carefully took over the situation as they attended to a very tired Kate and their healthy new son, Andrew Patrick Castle.

XXXXXXXXXX

Two days later, on Memorial Day Monday, the new little family was released from the hospital with a clean bill of health. Kate, Rick, and little Drew returned "home" to the beach house to be welcomed by family and friends.

Proud Grandparents, Jim, Martha and Chet hosted the little party, while lavishing their first grandson in every way imaginable. Big sister Alexis and soon-to-be big brother Ashley couldn't get over their tiny new sibling. And when the engaged couple were teased about getting in plenty of practice for their own future children, Rick interrupted by announcing that he just became a daddy again, which meant he was NOT old enough to be a grandpa anytime soon.

Rounding out the group were their closest friends, Lanie and Esposito who finally started dating a few months earlier (much to everyone's excited approval) and also the Ryan family. Kate and Jenny, who'd just had little Olivia five months earlier, compared birth stories while proud dads, Kevin and Rick, took pictures of their little ones and passed out celebratory cigars.

The afternoon and evening passed quickly and before long, people were either heading back to the city, or settling in for the night.

After kissing Alexis goodnight, and locking up the house, Rick headed up to the bedroom. Kate had already gone to bed more than an hour earlier, so he was a little surprised to find her awake when he entered the room. But there she was, propped up in bed, nursing their son.

Rick was careful not to disturb them and he joined them on the bed.

"I can't believe I'm a mom." Kate whispered.

"Motherhood looks good on you."

With her one free hand, she tugged on her messily tied back hair. "Yeah, I'm a vision of loveliness."

"You are."

Kate rolled her eyes but Rick was dead serious. Carefully, he reached out and stroked the baby's silky brown hair. Immediately two small blue eyes popped open to search out his parents.

Kate smiled. "He's perfect!"

"Did you expect anything less?"

"No, but I didn't really know what to expect. I definitely didn't expect you to help me deliver him here on the bathroom floor."

"You were a champion. I know you planned to have pain meds and everything, but you were amazing."

"I just did what I had to do. I didn't have much choice in the matter."

Andrew, now full, pulled off of his mama and wobbled his tiny head around. Kate kissed his nose and handed him to Rick to burp while she pulled herself together.

"Well this has turned out to be another memorable weekend at the beach, hasn't it?"

"Like all Memorial Day weekends with you... its one I'll always remember."

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**A/N: Well that's it! Thank you again for reading!**

**If you enjoyed this story, perhaps you'll consider nominating/ voting for it in the 2012 Castle Fan Awards. I can't post a link here. But the awards can be found on the castlefans website!**

**Until next time!**

**Happy Reading!**

**DeBo81**


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